`
Whenever i open the door,
our small key, my duplicate
falls without patience--
embracing the ground,
embracing the cemented ground.
Whenever i lay my hands to pick up
its lifeless, heart-shaped body,
I am left as an abstract force--
frozen with the key on hand,
frozen with the cold key on hand.
`
Author notes
'clavicula' is latin for small key.
A contest entry
- gravity by Elora Danon.
3500 points, ended October 26, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Excellent
What a terrific write. And so very deserving of the honorable mention. Congratualtions
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Such a beautiful piece of work here. The repeated lines are absolutely perfect and do so much to convey to the reader an almost inperceptible sigh.
Thank you so much for taking the time to enter.
e~ -
Allyce is right - you do write with intelligence. that is one of the things i admire about your poetry. you have mastered the art of brevity and your poems never leave the reader untouched or unmoved.
simply wonderful poetry, and with such a sense of heaviness about it.
~ Nicolette
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It seems to me that you write with such intelligence. I like the almost casual repetition of those couple of lines with the adjectives slotted in: cemented/cold - feels more powerful that way, I noticed the implications of their presence immediately. There's an inflexible sense of detachment/distance moulded from these words, much deeper than it would appear on the surface.
Great stuff
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A very short, simple piece that speaks a lot more words than it actually has and carries tons of emotions. Loved it man, definitely one my favorites from you. Bookmarked!
This one is a winner.
P.S. The title is ridiculously astig!
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