Every now and then I close my eyes
And I go back to those quiet times
When we used to sit under the endless sky
Watching the world fall through the night
Drifting through a million miles of space
No one else but us together
And it felt as if that very time and place
Was our and ours alone
I guess we never thought
Something so bright
Could just get so lost
We were always dreaming of
All the stars above
But sometimes love
Just gets all mixed up
Scattered back into the sky
Like stardust...
And everytime I looked into your eyes
I remembered how we used to shine
Like two stars shooting through the night
Somehow we always made everything alright
No matter how much I hurt you, and you hurt me
We would always find a way
To get caught back up in eachothers' gravities
And float away again
But I guess I never thought
Something so forever
Could come so undone
And all my dreaming was
Just not enough
And maybe this is what
Was always meant for us
Scattered back into the sky
Like stardust...
Copyright 2009 © Amanda Emlay (All rights reserved)
Author notes
I haven't written anything for 6 months. This one was tough to get out. I hope you all like.
Does it need a bridge or anything else? Is it too short?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
We never thought
something so bright
could get so lost.
This is a truism of life now eh?
I never thought
something forever
could come undone
Everything seems fine and then you wake up and the desolation has returned.
You spend a lot of words reminding the reader that the subject is of the past, perhaps bend some of that energy towards a little more clarity of cause. Your bridge work is usually pretty good, perhaps use it to explain the why of the Stardust, why did gravity fail?
Nice to see something new. Anyone who has had what was supposed to be "the love of a lifetime" blow up in their face can appreciate this. You have read enough of my junk to know that I know of how the narrator of this piece feels.
Peace
-
-
Your advice is always greatly appreciated, and it has made me think really hard about putting in a bridge. I might just revisit this one, when I know how to work something out.. I thought that there was nothing else to say, but perhaps I can squeeze a little more out of it.
Thank you! - M
-
-
If I was to give a suggestion I would say remove S2 and re-write something more personable to the subjects. Something that gives us a light that would go back out into the sky like stardust--something intimate.
Best,
Josh -
-
Oh this is intended to be lyrical--Ignore my ramblings!
-
-
Lol.. I do appreciate the feedback for sure though
What did you mean by S2? And do you think that it needs more intimacy?? I really tried to get this one out lol, and I haven't written for 6 months.. so I need some suggestions and ramblings
M -
-
Stanza 2 - your intended chorus.
-
-
Hahah my brain was on hold apparently for a moment. Thanks
M
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
