I'm timid and tired
Of fighting over
Fleeing high ground
I've never stood on before.
Perfection has never
been my forte.
First months frost
Has bittered my battered
Queen of hearts.
Tear drops are diamonds
I wear without shame.
I sing only half notes,
Never whole,
For my feathers fall
Under confrontation.
Author notes
"And I sing only half-notes, never whole." Contest prompt. I'm not actually fond of this poem, so I'm going to work on it some. Please reread it when the contest ends, hopefully I'll have made it better.
A contest entry
- Prompt 119 by crivanea.
700 points, ended October 25, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Contructive criticism makes me brighter
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I def. like how you ended ..in the second stanza..I like what you said about queen of hearts..but perhaps "tear drops are diamonds" is a bit cliche? I get what you are saying..but maybe another wording for it? and as for the first stanza ..i think "Perfection has never
been my forte." is not needed... -
I like the style you used. . . I'm just not sure about the words. . . . but either way there's always room for improvement. Keep writing.
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I've added a stanza. If you could reread and let me know what you think I should change or add, that would be incredibly helpful.
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i love it in the last stanza especially..how you write about flight vs. fight but in such subtlety ...in the first you admits the fault and the lack of perfection and the new ground of inexperience..well said with a wise message
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thank you. I've added a stanza to the poem. If you could reread it and let me know what you think now, that would help me a lot. Thanks.
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