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my antidote, my death

i have white eyes
can you see them in the snow?
they're closing up, sealed in a glue
of poisoned tears
are you the antidote?
or merely the cause.
can i now refuse
the crippled light you call love
if my white eyes pierce
through the fake smile
of your winter's world
or is there no use
in waiting for my mouth to verbalise
what my white eyes hide?
we're in a reject world
behold our
crumpled innocence
can you give me back my love?
my antidote, my death.

Author notes

I hope you like this ... please comment and critique!

Please, give me a good comment and critique. What did you think, honestly?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

  • peachfuzzXx
    October 23
    Edit | Reply
    love it


  • Perennial Plague
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    What I like most about this poem is the title itself. It somehow reminds me of the two assassins who fell in love in the sci-fi novel I'm currently working on. The arch assassin said that LOVE is their CURSE. So what is love? Is it an antidote? Or is it death? This piece is already good. These are good lines:
    they're closing up, sealed in a glue
    of poisoned tears
    are you the antidote?
    or merely the cause.
    can i now refuse
    the crippled light you call love
    if my white eyes pierce
    through the fake smile
    of your winter's world

    On the other hand, I didn't particularly like this line: we're in a reject world
    Maybe you can change that to a stronger, better line. Also the ending isn't as powerful as the first few lines in the poem.