Tones crackle and reverberate within
As my trail disengages from my path,
and I am dragged along its winding way.
The snow falls deep within these woods
and I've long thought about the day,
the term of time has lapsed and I am cold.
So here before a crowded room,
I stand and think of when I could behold
the sight of snow emerging on my path.
So soon I must be on my way,
but let me linger her awhile longer still.
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I love all your poems about winter, they transport me right into the scene! I've always wanted to write more nature poems, about winter particularly, but never get around to it. It seems hard to be original with such an age old topic, but you, sir, have accomplished that!
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whoah! I'm using this definition from now on. Snowy thoughts... a very unique way to describe the monotony we sometimes encounter in our every day life. the second line was brilliant. the first line, however, lacked clarity. that is the only revision I have for you
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Wonderful
There is something about this poem that is so emotionally powerful and yet I can't quite put my finger on what. Parts are so simple yet so strong and I think that's very hard to achieve so well done.
I'm not sure there's much to change with this although I would consider a different word to 'disengages', perhaps 'withdraw'? I am also unsure what you mean by 'a crowded room' so maybe you could rephrase that to make it a little clearer? But I do like the slight mystery surrounding it.
Overall I think you have created a fantastic piece of poetry. Well done.
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Interesting... so please do tell... what was the motivation for this piece?
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Neat and nifty, almost wistful made me thing of "Stopping by the Woods on A Snowy Evening".... just a fine write!!!
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