She sits
alone, pulling the quilts of despair around her numb shoulders
" please God, please God, please God,"
the chanting a rhythm to the pounding fear that grips her soul
she can't die God. You can't take her. No No No no no no
moments turn in to glorious years as time once again passes and life runs
on the fast track of health and hope
the car turns in to the parking lot and we are silent
wrapped each in our own cocoons of solitude
to afraid to voice what our hearts know to be true
she is there lying helpless on a table as the fires of medicine try
to burn in her veins
the body belongs to the corridors of death but her spirit had flown
long before we stood speechless at her bedside
she's no longer there
sitting upon the chairs of last hopes staring at the carpet of despair
he appears in the door way and his face paints the reality none of
us wanted to bear
not now not ever not even a glimmer
simply utterly the death grip tightens as the tears of grief wash
over the ones who sit vigil holding steadfastly to prayers
they escort us to a room filled with the darkest windows of night
though the sun is shining bright
we gather round to say our final goodbyes
as she lies so still upon the bedsheets of finality
I place my head upon the chest no longer filled with heart beats
as the silent tears of anguish flow
I can not say goodbye when my lips are frozen in the solidarity of
denial
" Please God, please God, Please God! Please don't speak the words my
heart can not bear to hear!"
Author notes
This is a very emotional piece for me. I have not been able to even think about this since my dear friend Marilyn passed away. I remember the doctor coming to the door of the waiting room and my world literally just slipped away....The band No Doubt had come out with a song about that same time Don't speak that explains exactly how I felt that day. If the doctor didn't say the words she would still be here. I miss her every single day of my life. She was such an incredible human being and the pain of that day stays buried in my heart and soul.
The first part of the piece speaks to a scare we had had with her eight years prior to her death. She survived a ruptured brain anyuerism and we almost lost her then.
" I love you Marilyn and I miss you and life has been so hard with out your support, your guidance, your unwavering faith in your God but I know you are looking out for all of us and one day I hope to meet again on the other side of those pearly gates. Death is a lot less scary knowing you will be there to take my hand............"
Comments
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Beautifully and emotionally written. Marilyn touched the hearts of so many. And for those she touched she touched with an angels grace leaving lasting impression etched upon those hearts. I, myself, have never met another woman such as she. A women who would put her own problems aside and just sit and listen to yours and try and help you out. I have my own fond memories of this angel that graced our Earth. She beautiful both within and without and she never really even knew it. She used to write to me all the time when you guys lived in Georgia. I just ran across one of those letters and felt the pain that we drifted apart. You were lucky to have such a wonderful mother-in-law.
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Indeed
Today is the anniversary of her receiving her wings and though I know she is in a better, beautiful place my eyes water with the tears that long to see her just one more time! It,s as painful today as it was that day in 96! I miss her terribly......thanks for reading this. It means a lot to me! I was indeed, truly blessed because of her impact on my life both as a mother-in-law and a most treasured friend! love you!
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