Deep beneath the surface, imprisoned in this cell
intensifying heat has got me locked where all the devils dwell
Occupied by murderers, paedophiles and rapists
a place I’d rather not be trapped, I can't look up an take this
Tainted and acquainted with the seven deadly sins
a life where evil dominates ensuring no soul wins
Flowing through my veins I feel this dark demonic grasp
and when I try to leave it's like it tightens up it's clasp
Tortured torn and left in tatters, glass makes up my heart
when pierced it quickly shatters and a million pieces part
Deep beneath the surface, imprisoned in this cell
you think my hell is bad, well look, you're standing here as well
- Seeking Perfect Rhyme And Rhythm group list • next in list
A contest entry
- prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
821 points, ended October 22, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Scream your soul by RainShatteredDreams.
400 points, ended October 24, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes Rounds Contest by DancingStar.
400 points, ended October 23, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - enter your best poem, prewrites allowed :) by sillysmile.
400 points, ended November 8, 142 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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WOW!!!!:)
You used your words well to describe such a place as hell, and i think the picture had made up what you had wrote. This is a very descriptive and powerful piece of writing that i enjoyed reading
*thumbs up* on it
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De profundus!
Very nice! I like the ideas here--I dont belong here with all these -people- yet here I am.
Very strong finish.
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A very imaginative write and I love the twist at the end.
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oooo..Like the twist in your face...ending. A good reminder that we should watch how we judge, living in glass houses, etc. very dark nice images to this. well done!
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Excellent and interesting esp. the little twist at the end. I enjoyed the foray into the darker side but sure would not want to stay.
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well there's a bit of imaginative writing...I hope you dont mind if I dont join you...Help, you say I'm already there...(maybe we are) I enjoyed the flow and rhyme but thought that line 2 first stanza could do with a little more work to help it flow easier...Nice to see you posting...Dan...
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a very flowing write with great imagery and a good rhyming scheme...
I really liked the last lines:
''Deep beneath the surface, imprisoned in this cell
you think my hell is bad, well look, you're standing here as well''
it really hit me, killer lines indeed
take care
Suza
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beautiful. the picture matches the poem. the flow was good, and i was pulled into this poem, like you could seee it happening. well done, it truely is a great piece.
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Very well done sir. excellent flow, with real movement. Nice imagery. good luck in the contest
Rabbit
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i really like the pic, i am a sucker or poems that start that way
good luck in the contest
-mary- -
~Spectacular~
Bravo! You've painted your masterpiece it seems! This was really intense and the visions imprinted on my mind are like tattoos....they won't wash off with soap and water, but I don't want them to anyways. I loved every single line but my favorite part was:
" Tortured torn and left in tatters, glass makes up my heart
When pierced it quickly shatters and a million pieces part "
The grandeur of this piece shall not be easily surpassed and the dramatic elements make it one of my all-time-favorites! I love dark emotional poetry that has depth and meaning. I'm blown away by your every word and I simply cannot wait to read your next poem!
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wow that was amazing..it gave me chills....it sounds a lot like heartbreak
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I've been there, not the biblical one but the real man made hell. And There I've sat with the murderers, paedophiles and rapists too. Even shared cells with their kind, and that I tell you was hell. Your poem is written well and the imagery is enough to haunt some of weaker minds, a dark write that could also relate to the world at large, for some there are living in their own self made hell. Awesome write and I enjoyed the read, especially the last stanza, but really the whole poem was awesome, so I guess what I'm saying is that the last part evokes a lasting impression on ones mind. Thanks for sharing and good luck in contest.
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Poet
Excellent. Loved this and all I can think about is our new Godless, guitless society. Seems that hell will be getting a lot of new residence. Great write.
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I love the ending and your flow was great!
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Living in your own hell trying to figure out a way to escape it.
I liked the images i got from this piece
Loved how you finished it
Adding your comment:
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