Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

You, Me, or Us

Is it
you and your girl,
Me and my guy,
Us as just friends,
Or could we try again?

what should i have donr differently

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    no try again, you don't have to beg him anything
    he is such disrupt person I'm hating him now!

    im here to love you and that should be enough
    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • ZachP
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    Hey

    This is a pretty good poem. You capture a lot of feeling in just a handful of words.

    Let me toss out a couple of ideas, as requested, which you could either use or not use; as you see fit -- these are just my opinions.


    Title: add commas -- "You, Me, or Us?"
    this makes it a little easier on the eye.

    The first two lines are good.

    Third line: make this the beginning of a new stanza. Also, remove the question mark and add a comma.

    Fourth line: lowercase "or".
    This will just help with flow and readability
    without impacting the message at all.

    Blessed be,
    Zach Estel.