she's come undone, the real, hard truth..
back to nowhere, she goes, where only the street lights know
how far she has come and how far she will go.
flicker, fight the night holds her tight.
running in a disaster, only running faster
back to nowhere, with no one.
give her a day and she'll shoot down the sun
her sadness is her cage and her rage is her power,
it wraps right around her heart in all her lonely hours.
she watched him go to heaven, every night 'till he ended
his life was her passion, his death came in a sudden flash and
now with all the people dying she sees no point in trying,
she just runs through the streets with this burning rage, crying.
time passes on and still there's pain,
her heart is pumping acid rain,
she swallows pills to make her sane,
a loser in this wicked game.
she feels no joy, it's been replaced by hate,
she climbs into a bottle where she still feels safe.
her heart just feels so old and his death it burned her soul.
she drinks to be numb, hard and free,
to escape the memory of the girl she use to be.
her head spins as she sinks,
she screams in pain, but no relief.
it's a rainy day but she can't sleep,
haunted by the happiness that she couldn't keep.
fading out like a star in the vast, night sky,
cold chills run down her spine and again she cries.
she has to shake this, find a way out.
figure out again what life is all about.
heartache has claimed her but she still has a soul,
her youth and a fucking mind of her own.
she breathes and wipes the tears from her face,
though she knows from misery there is no hiding place,
she reaches out for a pen and begins to trace
a picture of her lost loves face.
next to the picture she writes down all of
the things they shared in the name of love.
she doesn't want death, she doesn't want life,
she is left here to suffer each day and night.
determined now to make a change,
she gets out a suitcase and packs up her things.
buys a ticket, one way, to california..
they had plan to go when they got a little older.
in california she finds a friend,
someone strong who helps her mend.
and she begins to live her life again.
Author notes
thanks for helping me with the last line misskaoz! i hope i got your name right!
what do YOU think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Great job!! I love how you put so much detail in this. I could feel the emotion. The first line caught my attention. My favorite part were the last three lines! Amazing job!!
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Great poem, I have trouble finding ends to poems too so don't stress abotu it. it will come. I enjoyed reading this and am I glad I checked it out. definitely my taste.
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I like what you have done with the poem. I think it needs a bit of tightenng up, because you are repeating the same sentiment.
I like the way you have used the rhyme, sort of interspersed. The last tenor so lines are more like a story thatn a poem.
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It is difficult to read the poem as the contrast of type and background is not so great... ambitious piece regarding someone caught in the nihilist cycle of post-modern American where nothing seems definate save your own guarrenteed depression... deftly done piece....
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Good poem.....
..... however I agree the ending needs work, you need to stay on the same rhyming pattern, to make if flow like the rest of the piece. I would lengthen the last line and put something like "And so that brought the end" but this is one workable piece worthy of retooling a bit and the it will be grand!
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your emotion is incredible in this poem. it is enchanting, and pulls the reader in close . you do not sugar coat, either, which is admirable. this is a gritty story that pulls no punches.
"give her a day and she'll shoot down the sun
her sadness is her cage and her rage is her power"
fav lines for me.
other than that, good job rhyming but this type of story lends itself more free verse (in my opinion, of course.) i simply feel you could have made it a little better without the restrictions of rhyme. regardless of that, job well done!
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Awesome!
An intense tale of life and the things
we struggle with everyday. Such as
bad memories and regrets. A lost loved one.
This was poignant and heartfelt. Great job!
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Full of
Full of twists and turns, well done -
Nicely done
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