Mr. Dark-Side

At a loss for muse and inspiration
I am not sure what will become of me
my future has always been my admiration
but I feel I am blind to it all
I can not see

I keep trying to look on the other side of the grass
but Mr. Brightside I am not
being yellow might as well be black
when optimisim is something I lack

I don't know how to be happy
I have never truly felt that way
all my years have been spent in darkness
confined in a jail cell called purgatory

and if I was to be for once happy
where in fact would it get me!?
I could live all my dreams and everything would be okay
happiness is truly within thee?

and if darkness were to comsume me
where in fact would it get me!?
a shorter life full of nonsense and attention
is this what I want for me?

I have never been able to be truly happy
this feeling is so very strange
if only someone told me years ago
I hold the power to be happy
the darkness I can change!

and yet why is it I am happy
people who are happy succeed
but why is it I want to curl back into the tunnel
and let the darkness consume me?


why is it I am having to fight
to be happy and to be sad
why would a person want to be sad
if happy is all they had?

but I have never been happy
I have only been sad
and I have reached the point that
I don't know if I want to keep moving
or just go back

go back where I came from
become my own self
this tunnel is my shelter
it is all I have ever known

but what is the meaning of success
when your crunching numbers
and counting calories
and even when your happy you need to see blood?
blood that takes on the rain and brings on a flood???!

how can everything look so fine on the outside
yet on the inside your fighting your mind
your trying to do whats right
and your loosing the god damned fight!

what is the point of happy?
why do we even try?
we were given life to do what we can
and if we can't do a thing
such is life?
such is our life?
such was our life?

what is it?

and if we look so healthy on the outside
but on the end we are falling apart
my mind is running a marathon
I am having trouble keeping up!

why do I have to be dependable?
why do I want to succeed?
why is my mind a sanctuary filled with infectious disease?

and for now I just stay here
numb and unable to know what to truly feel
when one part of life I am the fish being taunted by its bait
and the other part in life I am the fishermans reel!

and the echos of past mistakes
haunt me day in and day out
but I am fighting for survival
the only way I know how