Perched in bible black,
The scavenging crow is more dignified
Than you and all the deeds you've done.
Tufts of smoke crowd inwards
From the charcoaled world
Colorless and faded, like your beauty.
Make amends.
Author notes
Prompt Number Two
A contest entry
- Quickie Time!!! by Sweet Impatience.
1050 points, ended October 21, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I appreciate your critiquing and have made a suttle change in my poem. I did not take offense to it. I just figured I would return the favor. You seem to be very artsy fartsy. Keep it up, I guess.
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can see why this didnt win
This is just trying to hard. Colorful languange does not nagate concept of poem..I think you are being to anal in your writes. -
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lmao. Please, if you're going to put your poetry in critical revision do not get your panties in a twist every time someone actually critiques your work.
There is a concept in this poem, if you fail to grasp it, that's fine. But there's a concept and the language is far from colorful. I've written many more colorful things than this. Being too anal, in which way?
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Interesting
I like the line colorless and faded like your beauty. The use of the color black makes your poem sound bleak and empty. Which in the way you are using it works very well. Great poem well written.
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i like this. it's simply-stated, but loaded with meaning. it's dark, but offers hope.
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wow talk about intense and deep. this one for me was enough to get me to stop and ponder. I like it when poems get me to think, and that you did just that.
good luck
Kat
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I am in awe
The details, the image of thoughts
the lines Tufts of smoke crowd inwards
From the charcoaled world.. are brilliant
Best wishes to you
Julie
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I really like where you took the prompt here - beyond the image, yet still such a complement to it. The detail you weave speaks volumes, in what it is to feel so much .. and I fear I cannot even say what it meant for me as a reader, correctly.
In short stature you pen wisdom, sullen and true - in hope for a rainbow to redefine. Excellent take, best wishes in the contest!
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good
i enjoy it. your really good -
Yikes!!! Harsh words you have written but I must say that I like the direction you took with the prompt! Very well done and best wishes....
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