Compass, clock, and metronome
Hands awhirl are spinning round
Faces dance, distort and dazzle
Tell me, where can truth be found?
Come within my hall of mirrors,
Fear's cathedral, here you'll find
Truth brings dread and dread breeds hate
Hate is love when love is blind
Each confounding crystal copy
All the thousands you behold
Shows a mask the mirror's wearing
Shows the faces you unfold
Every phantom at your fete
Every soul in your soiree
Sees you as a separate person
Views you in an altered way
Deeper still into the labyrinth!
Here before the show is through
We'll discover in the shadows
Which, if any, face is true
Masquerades only expose
Hearts of plaster, wax and clay
Tell me what I'd find beneath
If I tore that mask away
As we gaze on dark lit waters
Can you sort the truth from lies?
Ever wonder what's beneath
My patchwork harlequin's disguise?
The creature that I think I am
The person you believe to see
All of these are separate faces
Each of them belongs to me
I have not a single spirit
Every night it multiplies
When in meeting other mortals
Other selves are born and rise
Who you were and are and will be
Every picture on the shelf
Will reveal a different face, yet
Each of them comprise yourself
As you stare into the mirrors
Looking for the face that's true
They respond in silent answer
No one knows, not even you!
Author notes
I'm still ironing this one out. I think it may be too long. Which stanzas would you remove if you think they don't belong? Any awkward wording? Please let me know!
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Bravo
I truly enjoyed this some stanzas were storming in strength and composure, others quite good as well
though at times I felt the meter off, but then I realised that there's a pattern which is random mayhap ! that you have thrown, iambic in 7-8 syllables, which was rather thrilling
still some stresses sound weak in my opinion like in these two lines for example
Masquerades only expose (only begins a strong stress, when it should be weak)
My patchwork harlequin's disguise?(patch here is weak when it should be a strong stress)
But other than those minor setbacks, I did enjoy this to the very end, and I got to the message and the moral, one which I found favourable to understand
my favourite stanza has to be
Deeper still into the labyrinth!
Here before the show is through
We'll discover in the shadows
Which, if any, face is true
marevelous wording
good day
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I still think this is a little frightening.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes when people put on a mask for a masquerade they reveal more of themselves than the mask they wear in everyday life? Doing portraits is sometimes like that: there are those that let their guard down and therefore let you do a remarkable painting, and there are those that are so guarded that all you can attain is an external likeness. Some, also, are so worried about their external likeness and that the artist wont do a flattering likeness that they do not understand that we artists are not fashion designers and the beauties that we see are not the conventional ones. Most people are far more beautiful than they will ever guess. -
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Fascinating observation Purrs. Are you a photographer or artist?
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Artist, old fashioned technique and style: oils, etc. 3rd generation.
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Outstanding
I don't think its too long and I liked it as it is. You explore truth, how we hide our true feelings behind masks and how difficult it is to ever truly understand another. The rhyme is consistant and never forced and your flow is excellent. A pleasure to read. If you want to revise this I'd suggest letting it settle for a couple of months and then re-reading when you've forgotten all about it. Then you'll be able to look at it with fresh eyes. This is a technique I find helpful.
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Thank you ever so much for such a kind and thoughtful review!
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This is beautiful complex and frightening!
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~climbs atop table, whistling loudly and applauding with fervor~
This piece really struck soething in me. Your poetry is utterly brilliant! (By the way.) I was mesmerised as I moved through the poem... although it was a little long, it's easy to read, so I found myself utterly enraptured by your imagery. Further more, the truthhs embedded within your words... I think it was these that struck that chord in myself. I really liked it.... adored it, no less.
A note on meter... I think with any poem, if yu're reading it right - i.e. how the poet was thinking as he/she wrote it,, you won't stumble through any parts.
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Thank you ever so much Oby! That's some of the most enthusiastic praise I've ever received for my writings! I'm flattered.
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*chuckles, grinning* So you should be! Your work has a powerful effect on me a great deal of the time... like I said, it's a long time since I've had that kind of influence from another author
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L1S6, is where I stumbled. The rest, for me read nicely -- good rhythm.
I'll be back later. I'm back. It doesn't seem too long. I can't see anything that should be taken out. I like it very much. My compliments.
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Is that Line's one and six, or do you mean L1S6? Thanks for the help!
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Oops, I was is a hurry, yes, stanza 6
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Thanks. You mind letting me know why S6L1 made you stumble, and letting me know how I might improve it?
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