A little bit less like the last
time I saw it sits the
untrimmed tangle of tree limbs
that participate in the silhouettes slung from
my sleepless ceiling.
A little bit less like the last
time I saw the floor
than it was before.
Sometimes I hear its footsteps in the attic. Sometimes it sings to itself, softly in the night. Sometimes it screams.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Hmm... nice twist, even in the Author notes. I actually thought it was about an abused woman who is gradually getting tired of her situation enough to approach a change... "A little bit less like the last time I saw it..." but I guess i was reading toooooooo much into it.
Nice write... thought provoking. You may consider leaving the Author Notes blank just to see how many interpretations you get.
One Love,
John
a.k.a. WisdomWarrior -
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I wanted to, but then someone told me the opposite. I'll change it back.
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Honestly, I'm going to agree with the others. I wish you'd expand the image in the first stanza. Perfect title.
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I rather thought you'd like it. Its concise. I enjoy reading it aloud, there is a lot of subtle rhythm in the phrasing.
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P.S. I have roaches in my attic.
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Is this true? Are there actually ghosts in the attic? I'm not being skeptical, although its possible to hear phantom sounds. I remember being a kid and hearing the steps of reindeer across the roof on Christmas Eve, but obviously we know there is no truth to that.
But I believe in ghosts, my sisters old apartment was the scene to a double murder, of a lady and her baby. They described many supernatural appearances but I never believed them until I stayed over one night. Sleeping on the couch, no power to the t.v. or the speakers, nothing turned on. Out of nowhere a sound blares from the speakers. When we examined them later, the speakers were angled exactly where my head rested on the couch. -
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A ghost can be anything, really; any mysterious sound in the night, any sign of invisible life in your house that is not your own. Who knows what shambles about in my attic at night? I've never even been up there, but when I was doing refurbishment on the place, I peeked through a siding grate that serves as the only attic window. There's nothing up there but a chair, facing the grate, and an opened tin can next to it.
Maybe I have rodents or something.
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The first strophe requires quite a huff of breathe to get out. The little bit of alliteration that is in the sentence makes want me to read in a song or a rhythm but there is none - it's just a long sentence.
The silhouettes slung is fairly abstract it gives no reference to what *I think* you're going for. What sits on the tree limb?
Is this an out of body experience?
Sorry I couldn't really be of more help
Josh -
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oh, well.
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After I read your response to the first comment.. this began to make sense.. Perhaps you should add some author notes..LOL ;-)
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i don't understand this. why is it titled "sheepless?" the first stanza is really great, i just feel like the rest is unfinished and lacking substance. how do the phrases in the author's notes relate to this? i'm curious, it's intriguing.
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The title is sheepless because its not about counting sheep.
I have ghosts in my attic. Tis the season, after all. Instead of sleeping, I listen to them. Sleepless? Not only that, but without any sheep to count. Sheepless.
You found those three lines unfinished and lacking substance? Alright. I'm not going to add to it or anything, though. Sometimes its easy for me to tell when something is finished. Sometimes it arrives on me finished. Elegance over eloquence.
Sometimes it does not. More often than not, really. On those occasions I prattle on endlessly, rhyming unnecessary amounts of times within lines, babbling about nearly incoherent abstract concepts in poetic tongues. This time, I did not do that. It felt wonderful. -
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thank you for the explanation! i understand your concept now.
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