In silence,
motion elevates synapse
to analysis.
A candle sputters outwardly,
eats air greedily,
never quite full
of its dwindling meal.
A complex cranial network dome
revolves conclusions
toward apex.
Patchouli,
aromas permeate molecules,
curls from a cigarette gateway lips.
Time exhales:
alive in vaulted chrysalis.
In a list
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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this is a complex poem the poet has given a lot of attention to if not in the writing then in the living prior to the writing ... there is the metaphor of candles, the fuel of the air, the reception of the outter world into the mind ( describes in almost ironic scientific terms which creates a nice sort of bam in the flow that brings the reader up short and hold the reader then releases for the rest of the poem ... sort of like making love to poetry, this is, in many ways) .. Patchouloi does indeed merge with the spirit of the body and the chrysalis is often born as a symbol of inspiration or love or both and newness. to my power poetry list this goes
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butterflies....
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This is so fucking good. Congratulations on this piece slipping your fingers.
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This poem is so simple in content, yet the languange complex. I like that. Makes it seem at first read (been reading books too much so i read too fast) like theres more going on than there really is...
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I did that on purpose, so I'm glad you noticed. I was actually trying to convey that there is much more involved in any situation than meets the eye. The tiniest finger slip is endlessly complex.
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"A candle sputters outwardly,
eats air greedily,
never quite full
of its dwindling meal..."
i found a poem within a poem...
L
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let's see what 'feelings' your were trying to squeeze into this piece, and I'll tell you what feelings I'll try to squeeze out... (but first I must google 'allele'- what the hell is an 'allele'... sounds like something that grows on the bottom of one's foot... OH, of course! Where the heterozygote is indistinguishable from one of the homozygotes... why didn't you just say so...) (now I have to go look up those 'gotes... ah, little wiggly things that make us different)... (why do I picture you dangling upside-down from a crossbeam while writing this piece?) now I must go look up Patchouli... (an Italian Reniassance composer?) ah yes, a species from the genus Pogostemon and a bushy herb of the mint family... (so... why didn't you just say so?) you have an editing snafu in L13 (unlucky number) where you mis-juggled your plurals (a common affliction of editing- that mis-juggling)... and chrysalis is a flower, I know (I better verify that) nope, it is the pupal stage of a butterfly (ha ha you are writing about butterflies! ), (but it is a nice name for a flower) so... why are crystals invading my thoughts?
Let's see how your poem means... kind of an acridic feeling... with acupuncture pins sticking out of your head... (yes, while dangling upside-down from a crossbeam)... and many readers of poetry will stop there, at the 'overtone' of the piece, logic having little value to such artsy types... but I like logic- even if cracked... so you've got the alleles, some synaptic nerves analyzing (analyzing? You wrote this for me, didn't you! Awe, thanks...) then you have the candle eating air for a piece of imagery, or is it the candle-flame motion that is being analyzed? (sounds like a good Halloween mask) (You see, I'm right there with that cranial network dome revolving conclusions toward an apex, and we will not mention that there is 'ape' in 'apex', for we are higher than 'ape'... aren't we?)... now I'm back to that Patchouli, which I already forgot the meaning of... ah yes, the mint-thing... and why would you need a minty bush... trying to hide something? Ah, maybe it's just the cigarette breath, AND AHHHH! I knew IT! The 'chrysalis'- you WERE hanging upside down from a crossbeam while writing this!
(yes, sometimes I AM proud of my analytical acumen...)
lol 'James Brown'... EEEIIIIIIII I feeeeeeel goooood da-da-da-da-da-da-da... (yes, I played bass in a funk band once)... and with that, I shall bold and italicize all comments below... and give them a funny font...
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yes, but just what IS an allele...?!
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Wow! Amazing imagery, juxtapositions and a great vocabulary lesson. I love the last line also (as in Night Hope's comment). Actually I like the whole poem very much for the different view it offers (but love that last line because it evokes hope for me........also the idea that time is alive and protected).
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an awakening indeed.. now put it back to sleep... Great piece missed seeing your work! talk to you soon!
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wow how can one explain or begin
to expand on this piece, you dont
it is just is!
just outstanding!
Love and blessings
Rend
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I am always a little lost with your more abstract ones so I won't even pretend to know where this is going or came from, but it does as always give me images and that's a good thing C P.S: If you want to share what it's about I will listen lol
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When I was a teenager, I always wore patchouli, jasmine, sandalwood, ambergris or musk perfumes. Earthy, yet tangible, fragrances. I wasn't much of a "flowery" kind of girl. I especially like your end line, Scribe. Vaulted infers that there's a little room to stretch, to breathe. Chrysalis infers an awakening to come. Grand penning, Sweetie. The good thing about candles is, even after they've melted down, you can always re-shape the wax into another one. All it requires is a fresh wick, easily obtained.
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once again you shine on
well done indeed
Mother
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reminds me of riding the swings.
[at six flags]
as soon as you hit maximum velocity,
closing your eyes and letting
go of the chains.
the feeling is different, yet indescribable every time.
cigarette gateway lips.
nice image. me gusta
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