How oft’ we wander lonely space,
burdened down by worn-out dreams.
Left of right - or so it seems.
Let moon and stars light up the night
Let sun dispel that misty place.
How oft’ we miss Nature’s display
birds that fly and flowers fair.
All God’s world is waiting there.
Let what we see enhance our flight
Let what we hear our fears allay.
How oft’ we choose to not employ
our minds to view all that's new -
That, my friend, will see you through
Let heart and soul that warmth ignite
Let sense for this bring new found joy.
Author notes
My poem was written in a form created by S D McDaniel, aka ladiestorm
The form has now been given a name: "Pentenvelope Rhyme"
It is an 8-7-7-8-8 syllabic line structure, with an abbca rhyme scheme - where line c in every stanza also rhymes.
A contest entry
- What's In a Name? Part A in one of the Most Unique Contests Ever!!! by S D McDaniel.
1500 points, ended November 15, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please take time to share your comments ...
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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It's one of those messages that make perfect sense to everyone but the person who is in the midst of that lonely wandering. "Look at the beauty around us, be happy," But they don't hear it, lost within their wallowing. I can mock them now, I am not in the midst of that loneliness, but oh, if it were to hit I will curse your name for suggesting there was anything beautiful beyond my misery.
I much prefer the trees and the clear blue sky to doing my worst Whittier routine, "For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!"
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Your attention to detail is, as always, an outstanding trademark of your work. I've always admired the way you can weave wisdom and wit with your pen to form the fabric of art. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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I love the message in this poem... sort of like a 'stop to smell the roses' kind of feel! And not to let our excess baggage keep us from enjoying our lives. I also like the 'old world' language you have used for this form... it lends a classical air to the poem, and to my form.
As for the form... you have it almost perfect! I say almost, because in the second line of the last stanza... you only have 6 syllables, where there should be seven. Other than that, you managed to write a lovely poem using my form, and your rhyme doesn't seem forced... which can be very difficult to pull off. I know, because I've used this form many times!
Overall I think you have a beautiful work of literary art here! Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck! -
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Oops ... you are so right and I've edited that oversight out. Please reread!
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yup, that's the ticket
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Sometimes is best to travel light and not use up all our energy carrying our overpacked bags, preventing us from enjoying the views.
You have quite a knack for using forms.
A very enjoyable read Joy. Best to you in the contest.
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This is a very nice poem, it has depth and meaning, as for the style...oh yeah you know me, I am no retrorocket scientist, but seriousely, I sometimes do make up rhyming sequences merely because they make sense and sound right! As to wether thay have a lable or conform to any given style or category, well I just don't know, I just never thought about it!
Me is just an ol boy of the road I write for the pure sake of writing...maybe I have a lot to learn...I mean, this is all math when you stop and think about it...?
Lovely write Joy, thanks for sharing!
J
hn
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