The music plays softly in the background
But the music is anything but soft
Its darkening tempo surprisingly fits my mood
As I’ve come to realize that I’ve lost another friend.
I knew it was only a matter of time and feel that I had held on long enough
It was truly my own fault, I mean why should I be out having fun
Instead of watching over my cats like mothers to children
I took a moment, no, a night to myself and this is what happens
I suppose I should have known that this would be the final straw
And as I ponder over the things I have said and the things I have done
I realize it was never going to last; my life is just one giant screw up
And I’m the main attraction in this horror film
There is no salvation on the horizon like before
Though I stare at the tools that had once helped me forget
But the blade is too dull and the pills not numerous enough
I feel sorry that I have ruined another’s life like I have
Drawing them in and getting them to believe me
A lot of the time I think I would have been better off just never coming home
In the end I would have saved more lives if I had never touched them so
I hate that I can’t finish what she started
All these years lying to myself about who I really am
Lying to others who expect me to be someone I never really was
I’m so sorry I could never live up to your expectations
I’m so sorry that I can’t do the right thing ever
I’m so sorry that I fucked up your lives
I’d ask for forgiveness but I know that I don’t deserve it
Author notes
never can seem to keep them...think it might actually be me, not them
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