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How Lovely is the Fall



Darkness steals the sky away
All the stars come out to play
The full moon calls on deep desires
Stirring hot the embers to fires

The cold is chased completely away

Between the bodies no cold will lay

Entwined and beheld, one by the other

Nature herself has been their only cover

 

The low brush is tumbled

Where their bodies stumbled
He held her so tenderly

Caught her fall gingerly

 

And her eyes told him all

He needed to know..

 

A contest entry

Whatcha think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • tombruize
    November 3

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    Very nice job...

    A fall isn't so bad when someone's there to catch you, huh? I enjoyed this read. Keep it the good write!! In this line,>>> The cold is chased comepletly away... <<< You misspelled COMPLETELY. Edit that Pink...


    • xPink-Lotusx
      November 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for catching that Tom! Edited. Thanks for the great comment too!


  • Afe-la
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is fantastic hon. I love it. You have such an elegant beauty with your words. If ok, I wish to print this off and put it on my wall.

    • xPink-Lotusx
      November 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the great comment hon! And of course you can print it off! I am honored that you like it so much! MMFWCL4L!!!


  • Vlad St Howler
    October 22

    Edit | Reply

    The positive downward spiral...

    Very good write, my friend. I was thinking that a couple words are out of place, "hot" and "the"... So this is what I see it as should be, "Stirring the hot embers to fires." Unless you did that for some type of effect or just on purpose. But anyways, keep up the good work.

    • xPink-Lotusx
      November 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for the comment! I wrote it that way on purpose, I think the flow and the meter and the way it reads sounds perfect like that. Thanks for the input tho, I always appreciate it!


  • SteveandSon gold member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Sounds like two kinds of Fall to me lol Very sensual and I do love this wrote. Always a nice way to fall for anyone during the fall. Keep on writing like this. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
    Steve


  • fiona8 silver member
    October 20
    Edit | Reply
    The fall is lovely when it happens like this. Nice love poem. Good luck.


  • fallendust
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful indeed! This poem is quite enjoyable! Short but ever so sweet!!! Fall is my favorite season! Well you write well and I shall read more of your work! Have a great day!
    Sincerely,
    Sarah

1 - 9 of 9