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Cardinal sins

LUST

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cardinal sins of dire desire
Eating at my heart, my eternal sins
The tower of Babel fell to rise again.

Among a world of lustful eye's
upon my throne pride imprisons minds
full of envy, wrathful despised.

This gluttony so deep,
a crave I cannot tame
sloth has left me blinded,
greed and power grow, I reign.

Nothing pure no blinding light
tunnels of passing are barred in iron,
those who betray are left to smite
upon a whim a capital vice
I've rose to rise and come again.

Perfect contrition a mortal desire...

Author notes

Picture credited to Elliott C. Back

used all the sins in my write

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • JToddUnderhill
    October 28

    Edit | Reply

    Nice entry...

    .... No wonder this one got honorable mention heck yes you are a good poetess. I will be returning to read more and adding you!


  • Amera gold member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    I really think this deserves more than a green trophy. This is so very original and it's littered with wonderful poetic device. Well done!

    love,
    Amera

  • IntimidusRex silver member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply
    First Darky, I congratulate you on the HM. This was an unusually crafted piece and you used all of the sins to complete it. these lines are very well done and I love the feel of them.

    This gluttony so deep,
    a crave I cannot tame
    sloth has left me blinded
    greed and power grow, I reign

    very nicely done D.


  • Failed-Dreamer
    October 25
    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely wonderful.


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply

    Awesome...

    Strong narrative with great imagery & depth that captivates throughout...
    Impressive as always...
    Congrats on the shiny & keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!

  • pkoirish
    October 22

    Edit | Reply

    Darkly fantastic

    you have penned a wonderful piece here..
    Perfect contrition a mortal desire...
    a perfect line...


  • redmoonnrizing silver member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!! This is beautiful...very dark indeed....

    Among a world of lustful eye's
    upon my throne pride imprisons minds
    full of envy, wrathful despised.

    Oh how I love your poems


  • rrw gold member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    I too love how you used all the sins... and I really like the voice you used for the poem. Very ominous! Nice working with the rhythm in this... like a chant, an ancient rite... Lovely work throughout.


  • Virgo silver member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Great write I also like the fact that you used all of the sins in this poem, brill imagery also

    Thanks for entering the contest good luck


  • twelfthknight silver member
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Great write And I admire that you used all the sins in your poem. I loved the line

    The tower of Babel fell to rise again

    I loved that you added a religious element to it, very creative. oh and I like the pic lol thanks for entering and good luck


  • Jayde1
    October 19

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    an excellent poem my love...


    Among a world of lustful eye's
    upon my throne pride imprisons minds
    full of envy, wrathful despised.

    loved this stanza...

    a well written piece through out....
    as always you have rocked it

    love your hubby

    Jayde

    xoxox

1 - 11 of 11