Beneath the moonless sky,
beneath the stars that burn
in the unfathomable abyss
that stretches beyond time,
the lost goose comes honking
above the rooftops
and goes unanswered
in the cold firmament
by the unseen flock
that flies beyond perception.
Perhaps he can hear them anyway,
but in the thrashing
and in the tone that echoes
through the neighborhood,
I sense panic, edging on despair.
Alone, he voyages,
into the darkness of October.
If you knew that death stalks you
every moment, you would live brilliantly.
As you love life in life,
in death you will love death
at least equally.
What the goose becomes
after he ceases to honk and flap,
we cannot even begin to imagine.
Author notes
This poem was engendered by Option 2, the Celtic festival of Samhain, the overfly of a lone goose, a poem by the Persian poet Rumi and by some words of Depak Chopra.
A contest entry
- Allpoetry's Halloween Bash 2009 - Win a Gold Membership by Little Eagle.
9000 points, ended November 30, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Thank you for your entry
A lesson of life. Interesting poem. I think it could have benefited from some editing in formatting and structure areas. Perhaps breaking it down in to stanzas. Some of the lines read a bit stilted more like phrases than full thoughts. Please see my rubric below for further details.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
Criteria
20-18
Exceptional
17-14
Innovative
13-10
Commendable
9-6
Competent
5-1
Emerging
Score
Prompt Development
Expresses and develops meaningful and original perspective on prompt
Expressive and developed treatment of the prompt
Adequate focus and development
Some focus on prompt but lacks development
Unfocused and unclear
17
Organization
Form of poem appropriately and powerfully addresses the subject , each line focuses on prompt
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject focus maintained throughout
Form of poem is appropriate to the subject, focus maintained throughout
Form is poorly constructed, focus is not maintained throughout
14
Poetic Language & Imagery
Sensory details and figurative language create vivid images that contribute significantly to the meaning of the poem; sound devices such as rhyme, alliteration, or onomatopoeia are used effectively to contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative languages and sound devices contribute to the meaning of the poem
Sensory details, figurative language and sound devices may be overused, underused or inappropriate to the topic
Confusing or inappropriate use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
No use of sensory details, figurative language or sound devices
13
Use of Language
Word choice is vivid and exact throughout; grammar, mechanics and usage are correct, enhancing the thoughts and images
Precise word choice; no error in grammar, spelling and mechanics
Word choice occasionally vague, repetitive or imprecise; few errors in grammar, mechanics or usage
Word choices tend to be vague, repetitive or imprecise;
Consistently difficult to understand due to errors in grammar, mechanics and usage
13
Overall Impact
Poem captivates and inspires reader; is an excellent representation of the prompt/form
Poem attracts reader’s attention; is a good representation of the prompt/form
Poem is adequate and provides a reasonable representation of the prompt/form
Poem lacks inspiration
Poem fails to inspire
13
Total
70/100
Averaged scores
Three judges averaged score.
75/100
-
-
Thank you for the contest. I wish you and your crew a happy Christmas season.
Mac -
-
Thank you. I will be hosting a Christmas contest as well. It should be up later tonight if you would like I will be more than happy to send you a link when it is up. Just let me know.
-
-
-
Thank you for your entry
Your words are really effective, very different. They give a whole new take on the prompt and the piece is well written.
Prompt Development = 17/20
Organization = 15/20
Poetic Language & Imagery = 16/20
Use of Language = 14/20
Overall Impact = 15/20
Total = 77/100
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Shari
-
Thank You for Your Entry ~
This is most intriguing for me. I like the imagery created from your ink and the prompt - I'll never look at a goose quite the same again
Prompt Development = 16/20
Organization = 14/20
Poetic Language & Imagery = 16/20
Use of Language = 15/20
Overall Impact = 16/20
Total = 77/100
Best of Luck
Stay safe
Manda
-
This beautifully-worded poem says volumes concerning life, death and mystical/emotional/philosophical attitudes to the subject. I like the intellectual thrust of the poem, but most of all I love the response it invoked in me - it caused me to shiver with recognition.
Excellent piece,
Bill
-
-
Old men comprehend the proximity of death, n'est pas?
-
-
This is very strong. The image of a lone goose, of the bird who doesn't respond to the call for migration, is instantly one of death, yet "goose" goes on, so at the same time there is life. The mystery and wonder of both is beautifully shown in this poem. With 'moonless, lost, cold, unseen' you conjure up the edge of that vision we can't imagine.
Yet for me, the poem's heart lies here - 'If you knew that death stalks you
every moment, you would live brilliantly.'
-
we had a goose just like this on our pond a couple years back and it was sad to see him unable to join the flocks going overhead everyday and fly south. Yes, if you live close to nature, you know death is stalking you; a very interesting choice of poem to write for the Halloween bash, but it's metaphorically moving and reminiscent of this time of year, for sure.
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
