i miss spending the time
like we always used to
holding the other's hand
where nobody knew
touching your hair
and seeing you smile
getting your love
and not your denial
and i know we're too young
and i know we're too dumb
and some days it seems
like we'll never be done
but the only thing that hurts more
than having you as a friend
is the thought that i might
never see you again
Author notes
this medication infatuation has put a stop on my brain;;
will the words ever come knocking again?
Comments
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The idea behind this poem is very sad, and I hope the best for you.
The word choice in this was very simple; which at times can be disappointing, but it seemed to fit this poem; because it seems as though it was supposed to be just a simple poem about a normal person and her heartbreak; which is good. Not a lot of people these days are so forthcoming with their feelings; they write to make it sound good. However, some of the rhyming did seem forced, and therefore didn't work with the rest of the poem. For example;
"and i know we're too young
and i know we're too dumb
and some days it seems
like we'll never be done"
This section here was a throw off for me.
But ..
"getting your love
and not your denial"
I rather enjoyed that part.
Great job. Just try to focus more on what you're REALLY trying to say, instead of just filling the spaces when you get stuck. It tends to fog how you're really feeling. -
a love lost is a hole gained.
I hope yours is filled soon;
losing someone to share time with, whether secret or public is nothing short of devastating when its so strong.
I hope you see them again.
either way, great great poem.
I like the line;
"holding the other's hand
where nobody knew"
very private, very meaningful, just a handhold.
wonderful writing from Miss Flowers<3
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