Diamond vessels become a curtain,
cloaking tattered velvet pages;
now pungent like bitter wine -
this album of failed romance I hold
fades into droplets on my window.
Author notes
Prompt: Rain - 5 lines only (no more than 10 words per line)
A contest entry
- Write me Rain by Emmyb.
400 points, ended October 19, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites! NEW writes! I Want It All! by lesbian-in-love.
700 points, ended October 22, 209 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I appreciate sincerity and type-o spotting over flattery
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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well Daddy this is most defiently intense and powerful. The imagery alone is captivated and strong. to me it seems to be a sense of sadness woven through out this entire piece that you've written.
and why this didn't win anything blows my mind.. I really loved this one.. and no I'm not here to flatter you.. I'm being honest. I've missed reading your poems.
Kat
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Faded droplets like tears...rain as it hits the panes. Sorrow of past loves and a love yet to be!
Inspiring images this poem creates my friend! I have missed your writes indeed!
~Sie
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Rain is so poetic. I love when it rains, I love driving turning up my music and just going somewhere, no where and everywhere. Thank you for penning such a beautiful piece and good luck in the contest.
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Effective imagery in your short lines makes this sad poem very powerful..It doesn't have to be long to be effective..All the best in the contest!
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This was interesting to read. It was short and to the point which is good. It was very nicely done. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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I think you did an amazing job with this prompt. I love the title and the imagery you've created lingers into the sadness of your poem. I am a big fan of short pieces when they hold an impact as you did with this. Thank's so much for sharing.
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You have done in 5 simple lines what many often fail to do in 5 verses. Normally I am no real fan of sad poetry, but in this instance I felt compelled to comment as while it is sad, it was also heart felt and beautiful
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nothing was really lacking - it was more that youve used a lot of descriptive words.
bitter wine, tattered,m pungent, - i just wanted some imagery minus the adjectives and two others did it a tad better than you - not to say this isnt a great poem without my stupid rules... because it is. Its very good.
its sad. its captivating and its penetrating.
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That is sad rain ... rain that makes me weep. Beautifully emotional. ~Pamela
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