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The running man

I am a running man,
I run from things that will not change

I run from constant loss.

 

And I have sins to toss.

 

I am a running man,

an aggrevated lance

by renegade chance.

 

I hit the handles of my cage.

 

I am a running man,

the pathway must be found

or anything except my rage

 

inside the passing cloud.

Take your time, and comment honestly please

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • rhondasail
    November 26
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Hahahaha...I even mispelled it...hypocritic...LOL...thats what happens when you try to watch the news and type all at the same time. Meh.


    • EyeRaven
      November 26
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      It was meant to be hypocritic, but since there's no such noun pronounciation
      I chose something else.
      And regarding your suggesstion, I do believe that I have lessened the word use, but eventually they lead to the same conclusion

      I am a running man,
      the pathway must be found
      or anything except my rage

      inside the passing cloud.

      Is actually meaning that anything is favorable to find, except anger
      so in a way they're both the same

  • rhondasail
    November 26
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Would the last stanza be able to withstand a change to :
    "I am a running man
    the pathway must be found
    toward anything except my rage

    within the passing cloud."

    Also I think "aggravated" and "hypoctitic" are mispelled.
    This one is tight and crisp though. I like it. Sharp like the way one becomes inflamed with anger suddenly and feel the need to get away from it before you are consumed. Nicely written. Peace, Rhonda