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A Sensible Sonnet

If words are all we have to share in life
And each of us proficient on the page
Why do we both wield pen as sharpened knife
As if a war, not love, about to wage

So many stars between your heart and mine
So many nights to shadow our intent
Would we not prosper more to write each line
As if tomorrow we could not repent?

For if before forgiveness I could ask
Foul unkind fate chose my sharp pen to steal
Who in my place would step up to the task
Of telling you the way I really feel?

With this in mind let's think each thought we write
As if it were the last to see the light

honest critiques opinions PLEASE

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • Topnotchsy
    November 7

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    This is really beautiful and touching. It reads as if it was written to someone specific, but the message can be to anyone. Really beautiful!


  • smitaanand
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    'With this in mind let's think each thought we write
    As if it were the last to see the light' very inspiring and thought provoking as if a flame were enkindled inthe ind with these words of subtle caution.The lines are simple and yet pregnant with earnest and intense depth and meaning that is a lesson in life.Thanks for sharing your remarkable thoughts dressedinthe garb of a lovely and hueful sonnet.Thanks for reminding me to control vitriolic words from flowing from my pen.Take care and keep sharing...


  • UncleDunk gold member
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    The shy may, in a rush, blurt out a thought
    To say it now or say it not at all
    Misunderstood, a web of words, are caught
    The shy may, in a rush, blurt out a thought
    The wisdom of your words may be for naught
    And you hear nothing, while in doubt they stall
    The shy may, in a rush, blurt out a thought
    ..................To say it now or say it not at all


    • sinfull
      October 19
      Edit | Reply
      A triolet! so cool. =) and true... silence steams and blows a lid...
      blurt it out, why keep it hid!


  • John BoSox
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    This sounded like a sweet song to me..I can feel your affection in your words.You spun a beauty with this one..Good for you..congrats


    John


  • Pattiboo silver member
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    In the past when love letters were sent and received, there was always time to re-read ones words and make changes or even tear up the page and toss away. Now with emails and text speak things are fired off so rapidly no time to cool down or retract what has been written.

    Would we not prosper more to write each line
    As if tomorrow we could not repent?

    very wise words these but when feelings run high sense seems to fly


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    With time in mind then chime without restraint
    must wing to sing compassion, care, and trust,
    should canvas stretched and well prepared for paint
    be left ignored, board only known to dust ?

    Feelings, freed, seed serendipity
    stress dissolving, blessing giver, gift,
    misunderstandings in perpuity
    banished as enlightenment's uplift

    opens door for tenderness where heart
    discards vain, false pretences, finding way
    towards rebirth and starward steers to chart
    enchantment and true harmony to stay.

    Hope's flag unfurled should twirl as banner bright
    to guide write bright through insight to pure light


    • sinfull
      October 19
      Edit | Reply
      As I stand now I will not stand again
      All that I might have done will not have been
      As force unleashed by action remains thought
      I never can acheive what I do not


  • fiona8 silver member
    October 19

    Edit | Reply

    makes sense

    Yes, who else to speak your words.
    The words, spoken or written can somehow be wished away the next day: think first. I love it when I can read a first line and know it is a sonnet. Well done, Sin.


  • MizzConstrued
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    agreed, very much so
    either that, or if one has to get out the splinter, hide it well enough the pus seems cliche....
    ok, i just grossed myself out....
    Excellent sonnet, in all senses
    this one, felt like a waltz...

1 - 10 of 10