As days fade into nights
Alone do I rue the thought of her
Such a fatuous mistake
On my conscience resides
A decision so seemingly lucid;
To leave you for another.
You have escaped my mind; escaped my grasp
Yet my heart longs for your touch
Every word I write,
Every breath I fake,
Brings me not the grail
Much like Percival , I must too grow
Before I shall acquire.
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Comments
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A very deep and wise poem. Well written, good form. I like it.
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I like this, images of desolation, of error and missed chances. Yet I'm a little confused between 'her' and 'you' - it's not really clear to me. The protagonist has left his love? for another, so which is the one who escaped?
I love the Grail legends, but I'm a little confused at smiting a word, faking a breath. I like the way you finish on a note of promise, of growth.
I also like the tone of your poem, and the rhythm of the words read aloud.
A note for you - the way to get read is to read and comment on other poems - they'll most likely return the favour. Posting a poem on the threads will only get it deleted by a mod.
Try entering poems into contests - there are plenty, and as long as you stick by the contest rules you'll get read at least by the contest judge!
Confusing, I know, but them's the rules! Don't let it discourage you - keep writing, keep reading and commenting, and best of luck!
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I switched the addressing of the poem from "her" to "you" in order to make it seem more personal as the poem reached the end. Also the smiting of words, and faking of breaths is a play on the "Every word I write, every breath I take".
Also thanks for the advice regarding the site, I'm new here and didn't quite know how things worked.
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