Darkness falls,
Footsteps in the woods,
Rustling underfoot,
Anxious predator,
Hides his prey,
From sight and mind
A contorted body,
Tied and bound,
Slowly sinking,
Final breath rises,
Bubbles touch the surface,
All is silent,
A bed of reeds,
She sleeps,
Lost to the earth
Tell tale marks,
Upon her neck,
A lovers grip,
A mother’s tears,
Sweet memories,
The photo brings
No more pictures,
No more sounds,
No more you
A contest entry
- poems tell stories by Virgoan.
1200 points, ended November 11, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites. by lyrebird.
550 points, ended November 24, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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An excellent storyline here, dear.
Tell tale marks,
- You don't need the space between "Tell" and "Tale".
Also, not every line needs to be end-stopped as you have for the majority of your poem here. I think this piece would flow a lot better if you removed some of the commas.
Thank you for your entry.
♥ -
I like the way you presented this. The short, sparse lines leave plenty of room for the imagination to fill in the picture. Nice job here.
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The poem here speaks so much in its slow-dancing presentation. I like how you didn't excessively used articles, adjectives, and conjunctions. Definitely a finalist.
The repetition at the end - phenomenal.
Thanks for sharing.
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Softly dark, I love it! Amazing write, I love the imagery here and how you stinted your stanzas. They add a nice effect to the piece!
bravo and thank you for entering
♥ kate -
Dark Passion
Your title drew me in like a moth to a flame. I enjoyed your write. There is always something alluring about a chase, almost a seductive quality. Good write. -
Ooh, this is eerie
and I like it
You are extremely talented my friend
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You have a wonderful poetic voice and in this poem it is fast, pointed and deliberate like bam, bam, bam; you hit the reader right between the eyes with dark cryptic imagery. Bravo Dark Writer!
Love,
Amera♥
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