Born on a beautiful summer day
To parents who couldn't be prouder
A baby girl with a whole life to live
As her loving family surrounds her
She went from braces to beauty
Tons of friends were easily made
A shoulder she would readily offer
To anyone with darker days
But growing up in a small town
Always left her dreaming of something more
This mundane life so unbearable
She feels so isolated from the world
Earning a scholarship to a big college
She finally sees her chance to escape
She boards the bus to head to New York
Without even giving a glance back
Arrived with hope in her eyes
Dreaming of what's going to be
Soon stops taking calls from old friends
As she makes her new life begin
Now she has graduated with a fancy degree
Has a successful practice with stressful hours
A nasty cocaine habit to dull the pain
And no one there to give her a shoulder
All of your fancy jewelry and clothes
Your "important" friends
They do nothing for you as you sit alone
Welcome to the top
Author notes
talking is just masturbation without the mess is from happiness and the fish
this is inspired from choice 1, "you climbed up here to fall apart"
Bronze trophy in DefinitiveFreak's contest allpoetry.com/Contest/573664
pic by drainoutmylungs on devart
Written April 11th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Inspirational Our Lady Peace lyrics (contest) by DefinitiveFreak.
353 points, ended April 12, 2004, 4 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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i feel realness of your work. many people can relate to it. thank you for sharing.
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The imagery in this blew me away.
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This is a sad, but such a true poem I think...It is not hard to think that this happens often and I see it happening with my own sister who will graduate from high school next year...nothing this rural life had to offer has ever appealed, and everything in the world has never been enough... There is no stopping her, just hopefully she will still have some bridges back when she is through reaching the top, and falling and hopefully the impact of hitting the bottom doesn't kill her. Great write and best of wishes....~genielasie~
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This is very good, its so easy to get lost in the crowd of "importance" when what is really important are the few who really care. And those are few and far between, great write!
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This is great - so damn true too! LOVE the last line. Yep, this should be published in textbooks for sure. What can I say about this...absolutely nothing so take my applause in exchange for words LOL. Congrats on your win!
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It's sad, but very true. People have to do their own thing in life, but they must NEVER forget those that have been there for them the most. Family and Friends are the greatest things a person has. So hold on to them and don't freaking let go...LOL...This is another great one. I am realizing that I really enjoy your poems. I will just have to add you to the fav's list..hehehe Great Job on with this one as well!!!
Bambie -
very nice poem beautifully shows the reality of friendship and relations of a person ...very well done !!!
Edited on Apr 14, 1:57 p.m. because ''. -
i love it keep up the good wark it was deep and ya i hope to see more like it by 4 naw
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yOU WROTE A PICTURE PERFECT FOR MANY WHO HAVE THE CROWN AND GLORY BUT NO ONE TO SHARE IT WITH. SAD BUT TRUE. iT FLOWED INTO A GREAT STORY. THANK YOU
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Your first quote reminded me of the one..
"Masturbation is like procrastination...in the end you realize you've just fucked yourself"
hehe!
Nice poem. Wealth and success aren't everything in life, and I think you did an amazing job pointing that out with this poem! Glad you won a trophy - it was worthy -
4/5
Yes, I like it....I was listening to Billy Joel as I read this, and the melody of the "Painoman" went perfectly. Kind of dichotomous in that sense; the song is nostalgic, but in a happier, more melancholy way. Whereas this is far more dark and distant. However the memories are nice, but the future (or present) is terrible. I always worry that my life will turn out this way, as I am sure you are as well (indicative of writing it). Anyway, I liked the rhyming structure, although it lost pace sometimes. But, as I say that, I am well aware of how difficult keeping that structure with a coherent message/storyline throughout is, so bravo regardless.
Also, the story-telling aspect made it quite visual. I could almost see a little girl/woman's life opening up in my mind; kind of creepy actually.
Edited on Apr 14 because 'I always submit before I read it over, and then when I read it in it's submitted placement, I am appauled with what I wrote. (I'm sure it will even happen with this editorial message).'. -
This is a very good poem shows how ever big u wanna become always remember friends that were there for u and the ones u were there for ! very nice write Keep it up
Todd -
Beautiful
The last line WAS definetly the best...this poem should be publish in school textbooks. Loved the reality. -
Oh wow.. this was an amazing write!! It damn near rings true to all those who've "made it big" too. Even the stars, you see it daily. I think you've captured truth in the world of those "On top" very well. I like the way your poem flowed very smoothly and I am in awe of the way you were able to write this poem so well in free verse. I really enjoyed reading this piece..thank you for sharing it
~Aimee
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Wow.. Excellent write. It seemed to rhyme even though it didn't - i like that. That means it flowed nicely and made perfect sense. Great write - a well deserved trophy! Sad but oh so true....
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I like the contest since Im Canadian and love Our Lady Peace. This was a great entry, good luck
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Great write! What a sad poem. I especially liked the last line. It tied everything together so well! Good luck in the contest!
*:·.Vballchick -
Wow! I've always wanted to try one of these types of poems...I just have to find the time
You did a rockn' job! Your last line just ties it all in! Good job and good luck!
Peace and love
Susan
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Pretty good. Hope you win
-J.
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excellent entry
I think you've done a great job in describing how her life became something,leaving friends behind and then a habit thats hard to break,but making me wonder if that habit was being a friend or the cocaine? Sometimes being the one on top of the world can be the most loneliest of places..Thanks for sharing and I hope ya win
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Lori~ -
wow..this is really cool...i like it, i guess if i'd known the song it's coming from it might be that much better...anyway great job and good luck...
take care
-Stac- -
wow... this is a really great poem. in some aspects i can relate which is kind of sad. but this is a beautiful poem.
kristin
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oooh this is soo good very good job!! i wish you tons of luck!!! the last line... very NICE *welcome to the top* great way to sum it up! you really shined here!! great great job!
~Lauren -
Lovely, lovely angst! I really think the last line brings the whole poem together. "Welcome to the top" I don't know why I didn't think of that.
~Keep writing~ -
An excellent piece you have written here, with so much truth sometimes being the best in everything you do is sucj a lonely place.
Fantastic write
Natalia -
Very well done.
A story of our time, the reason why it's better to be happy than to be succesful.
Welcome To The Top... -
much beauty
Wow, that was beautiful. I'm so glad you entered this in my contest.
Much beauty in this.
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