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sad spirits

where do sad people go
when their spirits drip over tiered fountain lips?
where do they shed their woe?
least they drag others down in their dips
and when driven by whispers
they crawl beneath the cracks

be careful where you step
be careful where you step
don't step on their backs
don't step on their backs

let them relax

give patients to the anxious

let them relax

A contest entry

can you tell what I'm thinking so I know you understand?

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Star of Atlantis
    November 13

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    this is a lovely thought provoking poem but doesnt really follow the rules of the contest which was to wright from the ghosts point of view. i didnt really feel this was in first person but rather in third person and more of a question the living and depressed might ask about the dead. also this was to be a story contest which means a story not a poem... aside form that i will coment on the poem itself and of course i will judge fairely as per i do not disqualify entrants.

    i like that this poem reminded me of the dont step on a crack or youll brake your mothers back game that we all played as a child. it makes me wonder if there is something to the game after all since your ghosts seam to be stuck in the cracks we try so hard not to step on. i also liked the idea of them dripping over the dege of fountians i seamed to picture some old spooky fountian filled with dry ice and the spirits moving around like that dry ice would when it falls over the edge of something. it had the sad somber feel i believe you were going for and i felt that your descriptive way of painting it really brought me into the poem. thank you for entering and good luck on my contest.


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    I love the skipping rhyme effect here...and the first two lines really enticed me in..they were really well thought out
    bravo
    and thanks
    T


    • Matt Holck
      October 22
      Edit | Reply
      thanks

      I edited out whips

      "and when driven by whispers
      they crawl beneath the cracks"


  • Matt Holck
    October 22
    Edit | Reply
    1 visitor view


  • Matt Holck
    October 20
    Edit | Reply
    3 days
    one visitor view


  • Matt Holck
    October 19
    Edit | Reply
    2 days 0 views


  • Matt Holck
    October 19
    Edit | Reply
    1 day 0 visits

1 - 7 of 7