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I wonder how I would look with no lips.

 

 

As ice cubes numb tender flesh

that you will never again kiss

 

as I stare at my reflection

with dead-fish eyes

in dim light, water, mixed with

tears, runs down my arm

 

I know there will be pain, and after

mirrors will have no purpose,

just like your empty words of love

that you once spoke.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Author notes

Prompt: "I'm back to kissing a razor and pretending it was you, so maybe I won't feel the pain" Stephanie Wood.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • A floatingleaf silver member
    October 22
    Edit | Reply
    Not a pretty thought...happy you decided not to find out...


  • Rend the Veil gold member
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    ouch... your words are so deeply penned
    and I am drawn into each word.

    just lovely

    Rend


    • MJ Donnelly gold member
      October 22
      Edit | Reply
      My attempt at teenage heartache, strictly fiction I assure you.


  • Emmyb gold member
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    this fits well with the prompt. very heart felt MJ. i could feel you in this poem.


  • Allyce May gold member
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    I love the way the title connects to the poem. Wonderfully morbid! Ouchy ending


  • mravinsky08
    October 20

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. The images are vivid and add to the lucidity of the poem, however, I felt it kind of tapered off a bit towards the end possibly due to the use of punctuation. I think you could do without this idea of what I call "dead words". Dead words are words that don't add to the poem and without them, the poem still reads just as clearly if not moreso.

    Having said that, I think "as" at the very beginning is a dead word. Similarly, the second stanza. Personally, I use "as" probably like you--a diving board and from that "as" bleeds the rest of the line if not the entire stanza. But after revising I cut them out. Kind of like erasing pencils after you've traced something--leaving only the finished design.

    Anyway, not a terribly philosophical poem requiring thought or depth but an interesting read nonetheless.


  • lindaburns gold member
    October 18

    Edit | Reply
    I knew a lady with no lips.  She wore lipstick, anyway. It was NOT pretty. We humans do some pretty stupid thing in the name of lost love. With kissing being such a first-class pastime, I hope the character reconsiders.


  • BearWoman gold member
    October 18

    Edit | Reply
    It was painful to read this piece. I didn't understand the title until I read the prompt. Ugh! I didn't really want that image in my mind tonight.

    Beautiful work as always, bro.


  • Randomly Beautiful
    October 18

    Edit | Reply
    Felt this, painfully real and raw. Best wishes in the contest MJ.


  • Cannonsfire
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    ouch...this one makes the bleed even stronger...dangerous words here Bro, hope they are just a contest entry and not real life C


  • luna-midnight gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    aw, this isso sad and powerful, i really like it. the middle part is something i can imagine, cause ive been there, and i like themirrors will hae no purpose. wonderful write, thanks for entering and good luck
    Stephanie ♥

1 - 12 of 12