i can feel my hair
oily and unkempt
inching over the apex of my ear.
theres no single shaft of light
drawn through a window slat;
the world is mute.
i accidentally set three alarms
to go off at 6:50.
it was an irritation the first time.
it reminded me i was still alive.
now the irritation has lost out to apathy.
i sometimes open a dead eye
to the god-churn of morning.
so many clouds i cant even tell if theyre floating,
a steamy haze like the bathroom
after i try to scald the reality of day
into myself.
and a girl nests in the little purple crevice
of the bedsheets.
i might only love her for the warmth;
i wont know until spring.
and my neighbor is beating his wife again,
but even she isnt screaming anymore.
god weeps in falling red leaves.
its so lovely that we all kind of suspect
theyre tears of self-pity
and follow suit.
quiet gray horizons
dotted by the rich tint
of loveless regret:
i fucking hate autumn mornings.
A contest entry
- checking the underbelly by najji.
1000 points, ended October 31, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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omg this is excellent...just profound..well crafted brlliance...the opening realed me in...the end left me crying out for more...complete raw gut excellence
bravo
T
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I've read this a few times now.
It's fucking beautiful.
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gracias
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i hate how they didn't let me add claps under edit comment
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i don't know how i missed reading this but somehow i did and am reading it now. i liked it except i am in a happy ending mood and this was not a very happy ending. in fact, i happen to quite like autumn mornings, but then again, i live in san diego, and it's still 70 and sunny every day and none of our trees turn red.
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I like how you can write about violence and apathy and make it seem so normal. We have become so desensitized. The imagery is perfect and I love the way you can make everything feel important to the reader but trivial to the character.
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this whole thing was amazing! though my favorite part is this:
"a girl nests in the little purple crevice
of the bedsheets.
i might only love her for the warmth;
i wont know until spring."
wonderful, i wouldn't change it.
peace to all ~flight
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so many clouds i cant even tell if theyre floating,
a steamy haze like the bathroom
after i try to scald the reality of day
into myself.
god weeps in falling red leaves.
its so lovely that we all kind of suspect
theyre tears of self-pity
and follow suit.
- one of those is my favorite part. i'll tell you if i figure out which.
but even she isnt screaming anymore. - for whatever reason, this spawned a lot of imagery for me. i pictured a woman being hit over and over but she didn't even bother to flinch. she wore this somber expression and looked like she wanted to just quietly cry.
i fucking hate autumn mornings. - i hate almost all mornings. it means i have to wake up and everything is still real. i have a hunch that when i sleep, my mind runs desperately far away to a place where things are easier. then the realization of life, as you depicted, hits you in a way that hurts differently from everything else.
my only criticism might be that here:
the world is quiet,
mute.
i would have chosen the adjective i liked more and omitted the other one. i think i would've liked mute more. "the world is mute." the straightforwardness of it might be more impacting. then again, most would prefer it the way you have it now ...i just like to write things strikingly a lot of the time.
reading this while listening to music really made it emotionally intense for me.
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nono. i agree. i dont like giving words their own line unless i can justify it. and mute hanging on its own didnt really have a purpose.
gracias. glad you enjoyed
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my favourite lines start from stanza-3 and ends in the second last line. the third stanza was actually breath taking. when i read the word "suit"... i thought you meant "suite" and violins and piano started in my innerear... then i ducked a cottonbutt inside my ears, one by one. then i read "suit"... ta da... lol.. i like messing up your poem pages. well done, grandpa.
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i like how your ending makes it all come full circle. it's pretty freaking sad, but i love it anyway.
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thanks
my heater doesnt work and its been in the 40s and 50s all week. i think it stirred up some latent depression. hahaha -
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lmao i hate it when it's that cold! damn, i'd be depressed too.
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