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words

it seems that the smoke pouring from her lips is forming
words of madness and snaking through my ears. 
enveloping and pushing on my brain, already insignificant.
embers burn in her eyes and when my lids acquire a magnet's pull
I can see the bright burning irises chasing me.
and when my head rests, I can hear through the smoke
something pumping away in the background
something pumping away at my heart.


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1 - 10 of 10
  • jackflashjess
    October 31

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    Great, simplistic yet deep and thought provoking. I love the structure really emphasises the content. The strong sense of underlying emotion is well captured well done!


  • Commodore Rouge
    October 18

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    Cool! One of the first things I noticed about this poem is the imagery (very nice!) and the internal rhyme. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I like it! It gives a warm feel to this poem. I really like the repetition of "something pumping away" in the last two lines. I think people need to be very careful about repetition, because it can easily be overused and ruined, but it works very well in this case. I agree with you on the title; I'm not sure what I'd call it either! Good luck with that.

  • turtlescar
    October 18

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    it's really intense, i liked it a lot...
    the smoke and fire imagery is powerful, there's something intriguing about it
    it is quite all over the place, like it's tumbling out trying to all be said at once, but maybe that's what you were aiming for. and if so, it works, well done! i think it fits...
    first two lines are definitely my favourite. they're really good.

    can't think of a better title either, it also fits well

    only line I'm not so keen on is "when my lids acquire a magnet's pull" but i don't know why, and I don't find it detracts from my overall strong like of the piece. it's probably just something i need to read over a couple times to get it in my head.

    but yeah, really good write


  • Emms17
    October 18

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    I think some of the wroding angles are off, but other than that it is a very very very awesome piece I liked it, the intensity within it, the burning to figure out the meaning. I like it. Lots. It makes me think about all the ways one could connect to a peice like this. :]
    With love and Hate
    - Emms


  • xeroabyss II
    October 18

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    Reminds me of a friend, and how getting high creates a completely different person who seems frail and lost, yet at the same time frustrated and angered.
    My fear is greater than my love (im such a weak coward), so I cannot help but to avoid contact as much as possible.


  • DontFearMe
    October 18

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    Confusing, yet somethings there

    The thoughts seem jumbled, like not finished. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be like that or not. But if it was, then I think words is a fitting title, for the reader percieves it as words, but you mean it to be something more.

1 - 10 of 10