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Temptress (vampires decline)

I float down gently onto your bed of thorns,
Two glistening fangs pierce pulsing pipes,
Draining softly,
Lips darken,
Face goes white,

She takes her leave silently into the night,
Wiping the crimson liquid from her black swollen lips,
Holding the throat,
Steady,
With sharp finger tips,

Looking into her eyes, the mysterious undeniable signs,
A deep attraction that others can’t resist,
Pulling in her pray,
Man or woman,
No one missed,

A temptress, mistress of the night, takes her final bite,
Wooden shard thrust forth,
To vanquish this unnatural form,
Many more the night nurtures,
Many more the moon will morn.

Author notes

T H E D A R K W R I T E R

A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • She takes her leave silently into the night,
    Wiping the crimson liquid from her black swollen lips,
    Holding the throat,
    Steady,
    With sharp finger tips,

    Love this stanza. You did great writing this. Keep up the great writing and good luck in the contest and in all you do


  • Kathraina silver member
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    So simple and yet very chilling! I love the description you start this piece off with. It made me want to cover my throat with my hands out of impulse! Nicely done


    bravo and thank you for entering



    ♥ kate

  • I absolutely love this beyond description. The passion and power in the lines and the words are amazing. Also the imagary is so good and clear. I just love it, love it, love it. You should be so proud of this and deserve all the praise you receive for it!! Very Well Done.


  • Arthemise
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    Well, here is something I've truly enjoyed!

    The imagery is great, I could almost feel the blood's scent...
    The first verse is wonderful, so soft while reaching a "bed of thorns" that it made thorns look lovely. And I suppose that when thorns finally touch the person's skin it will feel exactly like the petals of a gentle rose...

    And the attraction you talk about almost in the end of the poem truly attracted me!

    I feel glad for finding such a nice poem including a vampire!
    Great work!


  • love-or-lose
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    Oh that's cool. I like the imagery. . .but I like vampires too so you were bound to get something good out of me ha. Nice write! It was fun to read.


  • BloodDragonRuler
    October 22

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good write. I enjoyed it. Why does your title say "vampires decline"?

  • Very impressive! it mirrors my own feelings of Temptresses, though i personaly think its a bit more exciting, if you know what i mean. but thats just me. Thank you for writing it, it lifted my mood.


  • Dark-Moon-Enid
    October 18

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing Piece Of Poetry!

    I totally head over heels love this poem! I have to say this is the best write you've shared so far and I thank you. My favourite line "A temptress, mistress of the night, takes her final bite." Beautifully constructed and I just can't figure out what more to say, it is truly wonderful that it has left me speechless.
    Thank you again and good luck in all contests. Keep up the great work.


  • Little Lesley
    October 17
    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. Great job. Absolubly wonderful!
    Good Luck!!!
    ♥~Little Lesley~♥


  • Demon Vampire 2
    October 17
    Edit | Reply
    very nice write. great supension. btw welcome to ap

1 - 10 of 10