A lightening burst on deep blue skys,
A broken promise that made me cry,
A last attempt to make this work,
Breath,
In,
Out,
Just tell me it'll be alright.
A cold look on your face,
A message that I didn't receive,
A lonely soul hoping to believe in you,
Breath,
In,
Out,
Wanting to know if it's going to be alright.
A knowing look upon your face,
A conversation taking place,
A fruitless attempt to get to know you,
Breath,
In,
Out,
Forget it, it's over now.
A contest entry
- ~Breathe~ by Nakatrea.
700 points, ended November 18, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
eek it sorta rhymes >.<
i think this would have been more effective left aligned.
the progression of your idea was good,
so is the story and how you told it ( minus the rhyme but.. i'll let it slide)
thanks for the entry
Kat
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