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Almost Ten Pounds Lighter, But Heavier Than Before

I watch my stomach swell
and then sink
I listen to time move
slow
then rapid
then slow again

I starve
then binge
my heart grows fat
ready to burst
in hot-air-nothingness

My skin is irritated
blushes fire red
screams lashes
of beaten pasts

scabs have fallen
and wounds began to gush
anger and sickness
of thickening
suffication

I am protected by sheets
naked when clothed
out and about
when really,
I'm lying down

unmoved
unphased
unmotivated

emotionless

I will finally sleep




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Author notes

Was going to write a journal entry...but It's like 5AM here and I wrote this instead. No editing so if something is spelled wrong or something is wrong...sorry. I will fix later. Not in the mood to edit and such at this moment...but leave me a comment and I will fix whatever needs it later.

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    November 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is perfect the way it is.

    I can truly identify with it and love every word.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    Sweet lady

    no need to tell you what you already know..'if ain't broke, don't fix it..'
    in other words, even if there are/were flaws..unless it was just too horrible for anyone to get thru.. why worry about small stuff?..excellent write sweetheart..


  • Terry Collett
    October 30

    Edit | Reply

    Classic.

    You are an excellent poet. Always believe that. the poem proves that for me.

  • fanniesson
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    Title fits piece
    though poem does catch
    you off guard.
    Brilliant!


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    the best writing is the writing that just spills out...how can you tweak something that is genuine? you are an exceptional writer, but i've always told you this, and i come here because i know that what i am about to read...is real. chin up....


  • Daizee silver member
    October 23

    Edit | Reply
    I can alway come to your page and read.. sigh...and think 'yes..I know how that feels'.


  • Forgotten truth
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    I know what its like not to be able to sleep, there poem spoke to me the most and the eating thing... Feeling fat, so many people have eating disorders it sad, though I feel this was about some much more, about finding your own place, finding your self…


  • Thomas Scott gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    It's always good to read your stuff, Catie.
    Hope you feel better each day.

    Tom

    I agree with cutting those two lines


  • Matt E. Smith gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    that first stanza was unreal. I could feel the inhale and exhale. the poem seems to say you are carrying a heavy burden emotionally and I feel like the 'emotionless' part reflects on how physically and mentally drained you are because of it.

  • Rowan gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    I love this;
    "I starve
    then binge
    my heart grows fat"

    I'd omit the next two lines, maybe. I think this thought, at least for me, says
    so much. Just my opinion.
    Glad to see you post hon... hope days get lighter for you. sigh.


  • stasis
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    I'm so glad that you're writing again, but it breaks my heart that you're going through this.
    I love this, and you, and keep writing!!


  • Emmyb gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    youve conveyed sickness in such an emotionally tired way - such a strong piece here dearest and I hope you find that strength to make yourself better again soon

    keep writing

    Emmy


  • TheLyricsArePoetry gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    oh catie, this is such a sad piece. i can feel your heartache in every line. i'm so glad to see you're back writing - i've noticed your absence & have missed reading.
    starving to bingeing and that feeling of suffocation.. my heart is with you, sounds all too familiar. big hugs to you. don't forget how precious you are.
    lots of love, dee xx


    • Catie Sheeran gold member
      October 17
      Edit | Reply
      thanks Dee...I havent got any sleep tonight. I got a sore throat and stuffed up nose...but I think its funny how I wrote about all the other nights I have finally slept. the meds they put me on, knock me right out for hours! So, atleast I get sleep.

      Thanks for all your kind words. Im going thru rough times right now. but am getting help and I know I will eventually get thru and get better...it's just frustrating right now. It's all becoming too real...it's been 3-4 weeks now and I still can't fight the moods. So now we know I am truely sick.

      thanks again for your comments



      • TheLyricsArePoetry gold member
        October 17
        Edit | Reply
        i'm glad you're getting help when i took my trip to crazytown i left it a little late, thought i could manage it myself, and truly lost it... it is frustrating but the moods do lift. you wont only get thru it & get better, you'll be happier than you ever realised you could be and then we can .
        now go to sleep!!

1 - 15 of 15