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Thoughts on a disappearing world

Once shimmering blue converges into oblivion
            Fleeting faint scents of nature green
My fingers damp and cold as I reach towards a world lost
            The dying oceans screams fade to memories
Taste of withered trees lay on my tongue
            consider it the pyre; they are ready to be set a flame

constructive please, I just wrote this off the top of my head.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • bijoux
    November 6

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    ok i'm about to be really picky but ocean's is possesive in this sense...also this is really nice, like an old memory just floating to conciousness...


  • Peripatetic gold member
    October 28

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    The poem seems like the voice of the wind if the wind were sensient and capable of articulating abstract thought. The sensory images of the poem are those which might be carried on the wind or viewed from the wind's perspective, memory or anticipation. The world is perceived as it is, remembered as it was and anticipated for what it is becoming based on the past and the present. The visions could be of the turn of the seasons or a change in the ecosphere to something other than what it has ever been.


  • Amera gold member
    October 22

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    You left a nice comment on one of my poems and I thought I'd visit your house. I'm glad I did! You have a wonderful poetic voice and the vocabulary in this poem is lovely.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Simply Olivia
    October 21

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    I am very pleased to find someone writing on this theme!

1 - 5 of 5