What is wrong with me?
I can't see straight!
All this stress
Is nothing but a huge weight!
I try to ignore it
But the thought just comes back.
I know I don't need it... But
Maybe just one drag...
One drag of the blade
Across this porcelain skin.
But in the back of my mind
I know it's a sure sin.
Author notes
Not totally done... but can you tell me what you think so far? I am going to keep working on it through the night, I just need to get some stuff off of my chest right now. 
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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just one drag of the blade--->
just one drag seems so simple but you have to ask yourself if it is enticing to you or would slipping into the darkness just empower a world that already doesnt care, that would feel no loss by your passing because they are too caught up in themselves and stroking thier own egos ya know... sin means nothing to me and is defined only by the fools that try to force guilt upon your mind as if your mind isnt busy enough just trying to survive the relentless uncoolness of the greater body of fools around you...
i guess you have to ask yourself if you might be better serving yourself and jacking with those around you by simply surviving; by showing them that while they bring themselves down they cant topple the tower that is you....
personally i suggest you go to church; not once but many times and watch the people speak words of goodness out of one hole and then watch them shit on eachother out of the other hole outside of those supposedly hallowed walls. dont give them the power over you and your porcelain skin! they havent earned the right to bring you down! its important ya know! it is...
i dont know anything and am nobody and only wish a little peace to you for whatever its worth!
-dev
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hah thanks for your comment
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hah thanks for your comment
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a scarry and challenging subject, but the actual poem is perfect. the final verse so shattering. you have a gift for dramatic and moving poetry.
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Thank you very much.
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like it
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It sometimes helps just to let the words flow out even though we don't always know what they mean.
I could feel your pain and confusion through this piece
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nice rhyme and u better not
great poem
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The rhyming in this poem seems a little forced, although it flows pretty well. The first stanza is a little rough though, I think you should focus more on the images and thoughts you want to convey, and less on making sure it rhymes. I thought you were writing about taking a drag of a cigarette until I got to the last stanza - I like that it sort of tripped me up. Great concept, could use some work though. All in all, I think it's an incredible start.
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Thanks. And that is exactly what i was trying to do. I wanted to throw people for a loop with it, make them think one thing, and it turn out to be something else. I just like to do that with people sometimes. It just seemed like a cool idea. I am going to write more eventually, I tried one more stanza... but it sucked... lol. thanks though
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Emotion...
My favorite thing is emotion and this has it. I know how it feels to have this emotion too, but keep up the writing its amazing.
all love
Clorisha Le'Shelle
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thank you very much for your kind comment! L(
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I LOVED IT........it is raw and real
and scares the shit out of us!
YOu did great...
and to be honest with you...
I had one of those weeks too
DRAMA, DRAAAMA, DRAMAAAA too!
our blade is our ink..much sharper
than any razor!
you've got fine talent.....
remember....we all step in bullshit
and damn...sometimes it's hard to
wipe of the shoes!
write it all out....use metaphors
that taste like your stress...
as if your stress is a vile predator!
Do you have an annoying vampyre
whose draining your soul?
A dragon that has captured your
heart and damn ...if you don't
want it back!
get it?
ears/Seattle
hope that helps!
LOVED YOUR POEM!
WAY TO WRITE!
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Thank you very much. I really appreciate the comment
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