things i can't say.

yes.

i am so tired of being alone, and so forlorn and nostalgic for something i've never had, that i would probably fall into anyones arms if they would hold me. if i could stay there, i'd whisper one thing, ' please don't drop me, i might break.'

yes.

i just want to be held innocently. no ulterior motives, no searching for the geography of my skin, not because i want you to, but because you want to.
hold me because i look like i need to be held.
hold me because without you i feel incomplete.
hold me because when i hug you, i don't want to let go.



no.
i don't want everything to be about low lights, and scared heartbeats because of approaching footsteps. i don't want it to be about nights, backseats, and hidden evidence. i don't want to mean nothing. i don't want to feel nothing,
but i don't want to be alone.



this sense of no one being here is controlling me and i don't know how to stop it. fear and apprehension and anxiety and things never happening the way they're supposed to. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm afraid. i'm scared.
i don't want to let this get the best of me.

i'm holding myself together, because i can't accept that i'm falling apart.


someone help me.



i miss. . .