We trail ripples
in our search for a hidden oasis,
leaving behind footprints,
quickly blown away
by the angry sandstorm,
still chasing the rainless clouds.
(it's pouring)
Dragging bare feet through
a pond’s lonely wake,
maple leaves turn blue to yellow.
(you forgot your umbrella?)
Thunder rumbles,
and a thousand sand splatters
along the edge of the riverfront,
where our old canoe slept
through last winter,
undisturbed by wistful sighs.
(may I borrow—?)
Fingers tip over the hourglass,
time falls to despair,
lost sandals drown in the desert.
(two strangers scurry past the café window,
sharing an umbrella too small,
and I sip on my espresso, suddenly cold.)
A contest entry
- BWOW~~Best Write of the Week #25 by islekine.
700 points, ended October 24, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favorites only by Salty Hibiscus.
400 points, ends December 10, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Suggestions?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow....
..... One contest entry and one gold cup.... This is batting 1.000
good job and good luck, thanks for entering my contest!
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the imagery didn't work for me in the beginning, because you contradicted it. rainless clouds, yet it's pouring...
i actually found the brackets to be distracting...
other than that, i do like this. i think without the brackets, it would have flowed better and also the ideas would have come together more cohesively. : -
good watch of context for entireness not one stanza
I guess revisions inspections can be out of request questions now unless gold trophy isn't ultimate satisfaction but your own to which I say congratulations on both as is
you show how enchanting can disappoint from opening verses, to thus not find your region but "leaving behind footprints,
quickly blown away" with no mark as for residency decision seems to sweep through mind with lines there and those taking us out of grievous first section
the parentheses comes in like a mirage to keep title of perspective in mine
with next tempering "pond's lonely wake" reviewing as in oil rainbow by syrup of nature foliage decaying range
parenthetically it seems we must gain insight again towards your largest and which seems the crux of your stanzas. only concern in nuance going adrift is going back to old word of "lonely" once more since already used significantly, unless you wanted it so chained instead of refreshing new
admitting among tampering effect is efficient
to finally the source of feeling over observation. wonderfully pulled ~
carolyn -
Well done on a well deserved Gold.Very unique, Ros
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Aloha! I DID comment on this...
But it was during the major glitch here on AP. Some things still aren't working...anyway...I loved this...from beginning line to the end! I really enjoy your style and look forward to your entries! Thanks for sharing your talent again!
Best wishes in the contest and always. Write on and on...
and
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I liked this a very interesting read thanks for taking the time to enter our contest best to you always be well.
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Excellent
What a great write. So very expressive and gifted. Many blessings in the contest
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excellent~
Enjoyed the read sis
I really love the first verse.....
And the last...but awh heck love the entire poem
Best of luck in the contest
It's a winner in my book
Hugs
Your sis
Susan~~~
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