You were late.
I cursed you under my breath.
We drove to a field,
the stars were obscured by clouds but you pretended.
You stared upwards,
commenting on star patterns only you could see.
You looked stupid.
You talked about the state of things,
your words dripped out of your mouth
attached to wet strings and I,
I pretended not to care, pretended not to be
staring at your Picasso features.
Your skin was handsome but you didn’t match,
I imagined at some point
a spider must have poisoned you.
Your insides were that of a doomed insect,
melting and swirling and indistinguishable.
You reached.
Your hands were ice and your fingers,
your fingers detached and
wandered across my body.
I tried not to flinch.
You made the ground feel like glass,
we touched on broken beer bottles.
You tasted like sawdust.
It wasn’t love.
Author notes
This is about a specific night I spent with someone I used to love. The poem doesn't represent the things I felt at the time, but rather the things I feel now in retrospect juxtaposed into the situation.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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jeeze.
nice...not even imagery - just great diction to make it come alive. well wrought.
you need a title?
hmmm
well it depends on what you want:
lost in the dark
eclipsed
faker
ventriloquist
heh, the poem's a little open ended in that respect - i can tell you hate him, but i don't know why exactly, beyond the superficiality of the situation and his choosing to go on anyways....the title should represent how *you* feel about it, os it's hit and miss from someone else's perspective...
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wow.
this was so full of hate, but i've been there.
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Fantastic
This piece was awesome. I know I can relate to being stuck with someone that I couldn't stand. My favorite lines were:
"Your skin was handsome but you didn’t match,
I imagined at some point
a spider must have poisoned you."
They really struck a cord with me. Great write. Thanks for commenting on mine.
**For the title maybe something like "Despisable Intimacies"
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I recommend fixing punctuation. How about "This strings can't tie us together"?
Good poem though!
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the punctuation is intentional
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I agree completely with Melee, and I know many can relate to this as we have all been there many times before. Great write!
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wow - no really WOW
You graphically capture the awkwardness and disdain that we feel when stuck in a romantic situation with someone we find we don't even like.
Every line is dripping with venom - my favorite lines:
"You talked about the state of things,
your words dripped out of your mouth
attached to wet strings " ....... ouch!!a truly magic piece - gifted!
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