its cold and the cat seems to know it
snuggled up under the covers with me
waiting for the go sign from me
stocking feet hitting cool carpet
and the flush from the toilet signals
the start of my day
warm blankets call me back but i
press on and dress in layers
hoping that the ride goes fast
and once again i will find myself inside
a building with heat
A contest entry
- Quickie: Everyday Life II by Matt E. Smith.
400 points, ended October 21, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Ah! It's good to see it coming back to you, and you coming around more often!
You did an exquisite job of capturing the grudging feeling of the beginning of the day, before the responsibility kicks in. I can almost feel the chill air and see the too-bright (or dark and rainy?) morning.
Excellent rhythm throughout, and not a line wasted. The only suggestion I would make is perhaps on line 3. I think the piece would have more impact if you changed it to
"It's cold and the cat seems to know it
snuggled up under the covers with me
waiting for the go sign
stocking feet hitting cool carpet
and the flush from the toilet signals
the start of my day"
Otherwise, excellently penned!
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