i almost forgot
that I used to have nights like these
i almost forgot that
my face makes a perfect jack o lantern
grotesque, showing all of my teeth
and my face is round and shiny
that mask of sudden misery
i almost forgot the way thoughts occur to me in the shower
i will take inevitably to wash away
or nurture my tears
the thoughts that contribute to them
when I have a vague idea of why I began
and no idea how to continue
when I wake up in the morning
i almost forgot about looking around
aimlesslyasthough waiting to be addressed
the way the salt stings
and swells all through the next day
your heart beats in your ears now
the droplets run slowly down your spine
comforting in the fact of their being
so consistent
your hair will dry and splay out
across the pillow
you will awake painstaking
knowing you stayed up too late.
time shouldnt go on
it shouldnt stop
i shouldnt exist
less less less
Author notes
might have started out as a poem, but ended like fucking
masturbation
pointless and self-serving,
the fuuuuck
Comments
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By the way, once upon a time masturbation was said to be sinful and a cause of blindness and insanity, but many years ago enlightened people realized that it is normal and harmless.
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I disagree with the Author notes. This is a good poem. The thoughts you express are painful, and you can't get rid of them merely by writing them down, but that doesn't make the poem pointless. I don't understand what you mean by "self-serving".
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