Wandering eyes;
I see you.
What must it be like to be you?
Cheating heart;
I hear you.
How must it feel to wear you?
An illicit gesture;
I spot you.
That was the instant I got you.
A long-fixed mission;
I trail you.
My love wasn't enough to derail you.
So why do I muse,
an act I so despise?
Your eyes wander,
my heart cries;
Why did I fall in love,
with wandering eyes?
Comments
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Creative
It was very good since I felt it a bit. I really enjoyed those last two lines. Very well done. Maybe though you might want to use words more common than Illicit. -
excellent write
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Beautifully done
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I loved this one! It was beautifully written. I could feel your angst as I read it. I have felt this way sadly more than once and unfortunately, I know I have made someone feel this way as well. You are a good writer with good flow. The whole thing kept my attention. The last line was probably my favorite: Why did I fall in love with wandering eyes? That pretty much says it all! Thanks for sharing.
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awesome
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Beautiful. This kind of hurt my soul a little, but in a way that says it's a great write.
I love different rhyming patterns. The only bit that draws me out of the poem upon rereading it (the first time I didn't honestly notice) would be the second part:
Cheating heart,
I hear you.
How must it feel to wear you?
It draws me away when I go back because of the unconventional pairing of hear and wear. Like I said, I didn't notice the first time, but going back and knowing what rhyme-scheme to expect it throws me off.
Lovely write, though. Really stellar.
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