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When We Picnic

Missing image
Down the winding orchard path,
past the gently flowing creek,
beyond the growing soybean field,
I spy the worn tree we seek.

She sits upon the shining pond
waiting for our memories
to grow and blossom in her care
cradled in her tapered leaves.

The sun is gleaming high above,
a calming wind softly blows,
curling fingers through our hair,
tugging playfully at our clothes.

The shade beneath the willow tree
is cooling and inviting.
Her graceful fingers hanging down;
the perfect place for hiding.

We will spread our checkered blanket
on the grass beneath her boughs.
If your mother knew we took it
she would surely have a cow.

I can think of nothing better
to play host to our fine spread.
It looks far better on the ground
than draped across her old bed.

We will gorge ourselves on cookies,
cakes and muffins and the like.
We forgot our fruits and veggies,
but I swear we’ll take a hike

Instead we will decide to nap;
tease the water with bare feet.
Embraced in Mother Willow’s arms
guarding us against the heat.

And as the sun begins to sink
we will make our long walk home.
Grateful for our summer outings
with someone who loves to roam.


Author notes

C o n c r e t e A n g e l

Role: Cousin

Prompt: This was the comment you left on my reserve well cousins make me think of summer time picnics, no idea why but it does. so write something about a summer picnic together, running in the grass, water balloon fights etc. make it fun. good luck.

This is supposed to feel like recalling happy childhood adventures for picnics alone. And still kind of serene and relaxing. I drew on old memories of playing on the land my cousin lived on when we were kids. Hope you enjoyed

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A contest entry

Needs a better title... any suggestions?

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • sidewinder silver member
    November 10

    Edit | Reply
    this makes me smile...'for it reminds me of old memories of past when life was simply wonderful

    Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
    Bill

  • pkoirish
    November 2

    Edit | Reply

    I loved this piece lil lady

    I knew you could write anything and style.

    Instead we will decide to nap;
    tease the water with bare feet.
    Embraced in Mother Willow’s arms
    guarding us against the heat.

    Loved this stanza....


    • Concrete Angel silver member
      November 2
      Edit | Reply
      Awww shucks... I like to step out of my dark fortress from time to time lol.


  • twelfthknight silver member
    October 16

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with what you said to Carl about this being a contrast with your dark poems but talent can write anything and you certainly have that! This is so calm and smooth as silk to read, I love it! you better win something in the contest!


  • LisaRowe silver member
    October 16

    Edit | Reply
    love this, very well done, also please send my the pic you used for the edge it's beautiful. my fav part.

    We will gorge ourselves on cookies,
    cakes and muffins and the like.
    We forgot our fruits and veggies,
    but I swear we’ll take a hike

    this is my fav part. so cheeky yet so true and totally something i would do. very well done, as to title suggestions maybe. "our tree", "that day by the lake", "our secret picnics" off the top of my head. it's also fine as it is. best of luck.


    • Concrete Angel silver member
      November 10
      Edit | Reply
      Oh, I totally forgot to reply to this comment! lol
      I saved that pic so long ago and it's been a custom background of mine for so long that I don't remember if I even have the original anymore lol. I will do my best to send you the background somehow though
      I have a few others along the same lines that you might like too.

    • Concrete Angel silver member
      October 16
      Edit | Reply
      OOO! I like "our tree" I might change it to that


  • Virgo silver member
    October 16

    Edit | Reply
    I love this poem it is so peaceful I would love a place like this to sit and just daydream

    The shade beneath the willow tree
    is cooling and inviting.
    Her graceful fingers hanging down;
    the perfect place for hiding.

    I love this stanza it takes me back to my childhood when i used to climb trees
    great write and hope you get cousin


    • Concrete Angel silver member
      October 16
      Edit | Reply
      That was my fav stanza too
      I've always loved walking through the veil of a willow's branches... it always feels so secluded
      Thanks for your great comment as always!


  • SorrowsSlave
    October 16

    Edit | Reply

    Beauty

    "a calming wind softly blows,
    curling fingers through our hair,
    tugging playfully at our clothes."
    Quite possibly the best personification of an element - EVER!

    I am in awe of your imagery here. The beauty and innocence of this piece nearly brings tears to my eyes (and is a stark contrast from what you normally write, yet equally if not more skillfully...)

    "If your mother knew we took it
    she would surely have a cow."
    Here you inserted subtle humor without absurb-ifying the poetic genius of the piece. Quite remarkable!

    As a whole, your poem reminds me of an intrinsic feeling I have at all times - Wanderlust. I feel the need to commune with natural nowhere-ness...

    If I were to "take a hike" this is certainly what I would wish it to look like. Now... Just to find someone that would truly appreciate it to join me.

    LOVE IT!
    -- Josh


    • Concrete Angel silver member
      October 16
      Edit | Reply
      Aw shucks you're just too kind lol. Thank you for all your wonderful in depth comments you always leave They are greatly appreciated.
      I like to stray from my norm from time to time... and practice a little contrast I think it's what keeps my poetic mind sharp. Not to mention that besided "dark" poems I love writing these more hopeful pieces, especially including elements of nature. I find that by writing in such contrasting styles they sort of compliment each other in their own weird way and help me improve. I hope that makes sense

1 - 11 of 11