When you seize the easy blossoms on a honeysuckled hill
when your lily licking lovers try to get their daily thrill
when you walk through placid plazas with Alhambra's fluff and frill
then you'll shiver in the shadows of the Spanish highland's chill
They'll delight you with their bolos
they'll distract you with their bugs
they'll inject your twitching carcass
with a warehouse full of drugs
You'll attempt to steal a platter of a horizontal view
you'll inhale the faded landscape of the former friends you knew
you'll deliver rays of sunshine as the bits and bytes accrue
but you'll never see the side effects and ugly things they do.
You're a tipsy taqueria
you're a flash of effervesce
you're a trippy hippy princess
in a drab and dismal dress
So it's back to caravanas on the mainstreet of Madrid
so it's cover-ups and questionnaires of all the things you did
so it's weave yourself another leaf within your chrys-a-lid
as policemen in the suburbs find the stashes that you hid.
A contest entry
- Winner Takes All.. (1000 points) by LeilaJayne.
1100 points, ended November 27, 203 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think and why did you think it?
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Well, that's an interesting, well paced, spaced, placed piece of writing. I'm impressed.
& Blessings,
~ Jan ~
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Excellent Read
It was an enjoyable read, the flow and content spot on.
Thank you for posting, All the best in the contest,
Cheryl
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I aspire to someday acquire a fraction of your talent.
I'm in awe of your gift, and grateful for your example of what a fine-tuned poet can accomplish when they fine-tune the artform.
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Hey Ani-G! LOL @ talent!
Aside from the class in meter, which I heartily re-endorse, there are a couple of other things that help facilitate your creativity.
1.) Have a dictionary handy, not just for definitions, but for pronunciations as well.
2.) Have a rhyming dictionary handy to help generate alternate wordings. Mine has gotten me out of a jam more than few times!
3.) Keep a thesaurus handy to look for alternative wordings.
4.) Take your time, let a project sit for a couple of days if you find yourself painted in a corner. Sometimes when you find yourself at a roadblock on Monday, a whole new approach will occur to you on Wednesday.
Merriam Webster makes a CD that has a lot of handy features on it including rhyming dictionary, thesaurus, and a ton of other features.
American Heritage has one too that has a much better thesaurus, but lacks in other areas. You may be familiar with rhymezone.com -- a lot of people here use that.
Well, gotta get to work, best to you,
Jim
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Wow.
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Fantasmagorickal stuff !!!!
My boy, your SO damn clever !! ... I'll need to go and seriously re-think my whole approach in rhyming strategy and general theory on the meaning of life ...
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It's hard to believe
that we've both been on AP for years and our paths have never (to my memory) crossed. Admittedly, my attendance has been spotty at best. -
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Likewise
I appear in fits and starts ... Pleased to make your aquaintance. I'm knackered now and I'm off to hit the hay ... Adios !
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Oh, James, I am so delighted to see you here and discover you have posted more poems for us to enjoy!
This one has your excellent touch and makes me smile and rejoice! Love your rhyming and rhythm! 
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*MUCHLOVE*
43 minutes ago...! Yikes, I'm sorry. The missus is feeling a little under the weather so I got put on cinnamon roll and coffee duty! Thank you for stopping by and saying hi... let me return the favor!
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Excellent write here ...
although you have a typo in the first line: sieze should be seize.
In any case, I got a kick out of the poem, and I'm glad you're still writing them. I was a tad worried there for a while. The world would be a far more boring place without your caustic wit.
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Thank you
for straightening me out on sieze and seize. It's those damned Germans. I took a couple of quarters of German in high school and college, and those guys with rare exception always pronounce the 2nd vowel of vowel pairs. I wish we had thought of that! Anyway, even on words that I know how to spell it often comes out backwards because of my tendency to gravitate toward the germanic protocols! Thanks for the catch... I caught another typo in the last line... policeman instead of men. Argh! >
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Even I miss ...
a typo now and then.
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re: The world would be a far more boring place without your caustic wit.
I'm beginning to think that "...the world will little note nor long remember..." is going to be a lot more apropos on my tombstone! Thanks for the encouragement. Last night my wife and I watched an entire DVD of corny old WWII movies... there are twenty total on four discs... a $5.00 value item at Wal*Mart.
At any rate, I'm glad you stopped by. I was really trying to "kick the A.P. habit," but the occasional dose of positive reinforcement is something more addictive than nicotine or opiates.
I'm a prisoner. -
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LOL ...
well, it worked out well, as I needed a laugh anyway.
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Whew!
...and I thought you were going to harpoon me for:
"you're a flash of effervesce "
using a verb as a noun... one of your stated pet peeves as I recall!
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Que bueno! Me gusta mucho! I enjoyed La Calle Epana!
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Well, thank you! I'm guessing "La Espana Mejor (Calle)" would be closer, but I'm no expert on Spanish!
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This is what I've been missing! I love the almost casual certainty of your meter--it's just perfection. An absolutely wonderful read.
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Thank you Pat!
Meter is easy if it doesn't have to make a whole lot of sense. The more precision a story requires, the harder it is to create proper word choice with all the tonal attributes that make it a delight to read. I'm glad you enjoyed the few scant lines here -- I'm thinking of expanding it to include some references to the Spanish Main proper... that would give it a tie-in to the title that it desperately needs. Check back in a few days... maybe it will be a verse or two longer!
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Ri-i-i-i-ght.
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I thought I was going to be reading an extralongameter monorhyme for a moment. I liked the way you blended and alternated line length and rhyme scheme between the stanzas... it proved an effective mechanism to add texture to this intriguing theme.
I always read you with eye towards what I can learn from you..... and I never fail to take something new away with me. I hope you can view that as 'inspiration' and not 'theft' though.
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Inspiration or theft...
you're more than welcome either way. If you've been reading "Grieves" you'll know I've done it (varied line length) a couple of times before. "Glitzing to the Gizmick", "The Call of the Ambient Ramble", "Can't Sell Nonsense...", and "Zero". I don't know why it seems to lend itself so well to the abstracts... some missing cerebral circuitry in the ol' upstairs cabinet, no doubt!
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I could see this as a featured article in a travelogue inviting adventurers to experience the delightful culture of the Spanish Main (Street)....Not!
You continue to reveal a unique and interesting talent. Keep writing.....your brand of humor is a rare gift.
Drybones
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Thank you x 1000
It funny how the writing bug comes and goes. Sometimes I know my imagery tank has run dry... other times it seems like I can't unload the lines onto the screen fast enough. I'll try to keep fillin' in the blanks, though!
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