It's 3am
the suicide bars
have all closed
sitting at the naked table
in the dark
through the window
red neon flashes rushing in
telling the hour
a red sunset blinking
on the oak
the street is empty
the stop light talks
no cars to care
no pedestrians hustling
no stray cats roaming free
it's all beautiful quiet
except for:
the soft jazz stereo
playing old wax
I take a deep drag
the music begins:
It's Johnny Hartman and Coltrane
1963
the sax starts to play
very smooth
nothing rushed
the heart stops
it's for the first time
the thousandth time
the tenor sax is timeless
no fancy riffs
just pure and sweet
in 2...4
the piano joins in
playing simple chords
in slow dance music
the upright base
sneaks in perfect harmony
the brushes circle the drums
shut-ha...tut...tut
...quietly
take another drag
Johnny Hartman sings:
"The very thought of you makes my heart sing
Like an April breeze
On the wings of spring
And you appear in all your splendor
My one and only love"
the words are so sappy
it would be funny
if the melody weren't so true
take another deep drag
...exhale...slowly
blowing smoke rings
daisy chains of the past
"The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night
While you're in my arms
I feel your lips so warm and tender
My one and only love"
the white smoke rises
curled...
in scrolled paisley moods
two dancers appear
in the carbon mist
dancing...
in soft red flashing
...drifting up
Coltrane eases in
playing 3am notes
made for late night romancing
they're real close
having fun
having life
so much in love
they twist and fade away
into the ceiling dark
where these lovers
from the past must go
"The touch of your hand is like heaven
A heaven that I've never known
The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own
You fill my eager heart with such desire
Every kiss you give sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love"
another drag...
bump the slight ash
into the cheap silver ashtray
with two resting dimples
waiting for white flesh
to be laid down
cigarette butts
lay here
proud pilgrims with black hats
in silent prayer
...just a moments pleasure
soon for the trash
"The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own
You fill my eagle heart with such desire
Every kiss you give sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love
My one and only love"
the brushes kiss
the cymbals
...softly
Author notes
You might want to listen to Johnny Hartman and Coltrane...My one and only love. -c
A contest entry
- Write what you feel by StarlightCerulean.
570 points, ended October 18, 47 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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What can I add here, say here that hasn't already been said? Such a brilliant piece of writing, with awesome imagery taking one on a wild huff and puff ride. It seems you have a lot of admirers here for this poem, well you can now add another to that list. Surely it is a well deserving gold trophy winner. Take care and thanks for sharing, oh and I guess I did have something to say afterall.
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wow stunning imagery throughout this piece... and ohhh how much I want an enjoyable cigarette
A well deserved gold trophy there my friend xx
DD
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I'd say what she said, but basically that's cheating.
It's beautiful. I'm going to go listen to this again. BRB
Okay - what do I say to something like that? Thank You for letting me what to listen for? Thank you, thank you, Thank You!
ya All~Ways,
~ Jan ~ -
BRILLAINT!
So very worthy of the Gold Chalice that adorns this page! YES! I was there, saw the dancers, felt the mood, had to light a cigarette behind this read. LOL
My dad was a tenor sax player so, I know the mellow sound that you allow us to hear with your words. I love the song and love how you incorporated it into the poem. The ease of what you've done here is exceptional. I read this poem straight through and felt every written affect. You left my senses heightened and made me want to hurry home to put some Coltrane in the CD player.
Again I say...BRILLAINT!
BRAVO! CONGRATULATIONS!
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Took me to that familiar place I love so much. I felt the smolter of the music with the ambiance of your words. Such a pleasure to feel this piece.
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wow
I've read this 4 times now and I'm still amazed at the brilliance of it...Thank you for sharing this with us.
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this is incredible.
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I enjoyed this one very much! Thanks so much for sharing! I realy liked how you encorporated the lyrics and feel of the music into your poem. I wish you the best of luck in your contest! God job.
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Your imagery is astounding; I could picture everything so perfectly. You're truly a great writer. I've been eager to read a stunning piece such as this, & you did just that for me. Magnificent write here!
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Absolutely amazing piece, this. You brought me there, and I felt it. Congratulations on the very well deserved gold trophy. My compliments.
Bella
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wow just wow. Amazing imagery and subtle hints of morbity. I just love ur discription of them music, i could almost feel it, ya kno? great greaat job. ^^
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a flash of moments, in the ash.....surrounded by all senses....layered feelings....and notes dropped like tossed cigarettes, enjoyed and fleeting....I really liked this write! smooth.
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firstly, Wow.
i am immediately think of jack Kerouac and his profound love of jazz when i read this. although not completely "beat", your style has the same lyrical melody as Kerouac. your pacing is impeccable and phrases such as "naked table" and "daisy chains of past" offer up a great visual feast. your use of lyric is well placed and adds a true feeling of nostalgia. Kudos to you for completely capturing the feeling of a true jazz bar. (Ive been to Birdland in NYC and even though that was Charlie Parkers place, this is about the best jazz poem I have read in a while, and really transported me back there!)
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noirish
i dig these lines alsothe brushes kiss
the cymbals
...softly
love the atmosphere! great write! -
great images
Love the imagery! i dig this linetwo dancers appear
in the carbon mist
dancing...
in soft red flashing
...drifting up
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wonderful!
it sounds like a setting for a stephen king story. i love the way you set the surroundings in such few words...
"sitting at the naked table
in the dark
through the window
red neon flashes rushing in
telling the hour
a red sunset blinking
on the oak"
i like that part -
Back to re-read ... Congratulations on a so well deserved gold... excellent.
Sue
x
P.S. Bookmarked
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Congrats on the Gold! I'm not surprised, but delighted to again be drawn to this piece.
Way to Go Hon!
's N N ~ Jan ~
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Such a delightful poem that tends to send one into a mood that should only exist by moonlight. I love how you played this piece with the orchestra and how you showed us the atmosphere as you listened to them. Johnny Hartman and Coltrane I have heard of but never listened to. Perhaps I should do so and it would give me even more idea of how you created this wonderful piece of writing. Your words themselves were filled with music. Congratulations on the wonderful gold trophy and keep up the magnificent work.
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shut-ha...tut...tut...something about three in the morning just you, Johnny Hartman, Coltrane, and a bottle of Dr Magilicutty's peppermint schnapp's chased down with a few ice cold Coors...time holds still...then you blow your cookies, hit the head and sleep it off until the next time
Nice visuals
Rick
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I read your poem (more than once) and then closed my eyes and listened to the music and the scene came to life in my mind's eye ... for me, this has to be one of your best
All the best in the contest
Sue
x
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So....IMAGERY!!!!...very good.
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Wow... This is a wonderful poem my friend. It has so many layers to it. I can feel the pull of the music and just make out - writhing in the carbon mist - two lovers melting into each other on the dance floor. Brilliant!
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Oh yeah...mmm love the sensual feel through out your penned imagery. Magnificent is the mood the smoky fog of the past to clear to feel lips of the kiss on the end of that drag...so eloquent with rhythmic soul
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Masterpiece.
I think that's enough said.
& Blessings,
~ ~ Janet ~ ~
Or if you like, you can call me Jan.
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'daisy chains of the past'
and how music we love performs that magic origami of folding time back so then is now, and we feel it all again as if for the first time.
Lovely poem, and I'm going to listen to it again now.
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