Her name was Jane.
Only six years old.
A family of pain;
Parents so cold.
Her parents got separated,
They never agreed.
They always instigated,
And blamed it on she.
She was the cause of their tears,
According to them.
Jane had her fears;
But not until then.
They started whipping and hurting her until she died,
Forming bruises and cuts,
Making a smile every time she cried.
So she keeps her mouth shut.
Every day the same old thing.
A blow in the face.
Until she turned thirteen.
So Jane ran and she ran.
As far away from home.
With a knife in her pocket,
And a gun to her throat.
She screams out loud,
"My life comes to an end!"
She shuts her eyes proud,
And shoots a bullet to her head.
So that's the end of little Jane's life.
Her mom is still drunk,
And her daddy still fights.
Author notes
This is not a particular true story. but this does happen to people...I know the rhyming scheme isnt perfect, but hey- neither is life.
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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wow
a little awkward yes but simply stunning this is really good what drew me in was the title idk why but it peaked my interest. i love this overall i applaud you
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My favourite lines are definitley the last stanza. And other than a bit of akward rhyming which i barely noticed, it almost didn't make sense that she runs away AND THEN kills herself. And also I thought she actually died when you said until she died. That is until she came back to be 13. those are just picky points, overall it was pretty good. I really like the last stanza.
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the poem itelf is good, but the rhyming scheme is akward, and it doesn't have a noticable rhythm to it. still good job, but i would work with the rhyming thing some more before i tried again.
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I liked it, although the ending made me sad, but I guess not everything can end happy and people do need to know that, they need to know that not everyone can make it through an abuse.
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hey ifi was you iowuld put it in some 4line stanzas and then try to get a rythem to the words
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okay thanks
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OMG that is so sad. My heart broke and I wanted to cry reading it. It's really well written and has alot of emotion
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Yes it seems it happens more today
It breaks my heart that in a world with so many people living near elbow to elbow doesnt stop the violence towards our children about the world . We arent blind yet we see these children with eyes so sad yet many do nothing .You have penned a most true write here honey and itys not the children that are bad its the bad parents who created their demise and I cry for the children with the tired sad eyes
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Damn, that's pretty good. It reminds me of a really old friend. His parents used to beat him, but anyway, a really great poem.
Keep up the good work! -
aww that is so sad. but such a great poem. well written and nicely penned poet.
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This is amazing. I really like it. You did really good for a first rhyming poem, the flow is great and I have to agree with KiWi- I can see this going on someone's page really soon. great write.
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why thank you.
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:[ Sad but really good
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Thanks.
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Ah. Well I read it and it sounds kinda like an internet forward. I predict that I will see this on someones page here real soon.
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its not a forward i made it up myself. and idont care if people steal it...i kinda gave up on caring.
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Wow...Wow!! that was intense, so well put, its really effective and hard hitting, the rhyme makes your point even more potent! It is even more effective because although like you said this story may not be true this does happen alot, I felt real sorrow for Jane. This is a really good piece of work!
xoxoxoxx
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I was actually listening to a song Runaway Love, so i guess its my inspiration, and yeah i NEVER rhyme, this is the first time.
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