He held the world at bay with stern façade,
his armor strengthened with each spiteful glance.
Ignoring every overture and nod
he failed to give sincerity a chance.
But deep within he knew he was a fraud
who wished for one brief moment of romance,
but could he shed his armor and be weak
if that would yield the closeness humans seek?
A simple touch, as careless as a brush
was followed by a shy disarming smile.
When he beheld her lovely, rosy blush
he lingered to converse with her awhile.
Her gentleness made all distortions hush
and his aloofness merely juvenile.
First love sent streams of sunlight to his soul
where once depression’s doubt had held control.
Author notes
An Ottava Rima is a poem written in 8-line octaves. Each line is of a 10 or 11 syllable count in the following rhyme:
two octave poem. abababcc, dededeff
picture credit: Magic Gateway by Jeremiah Morelli
In a list
A contest entry
- Magic Gateway by The Poetic Bandits.
900 points, ended November 2, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How do you think I could improve this poem?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
I always have difficulty making the sestet of an ottava sound natural, which here (especially in the second stanza) you have achieved beautifully.
A lovely soft poem of love
Jeff
-
-
Thank you Jeff. I appreciate such a positive comment. I love to write in rhyme and actually have to force myself to write freeverse and prose.
-
-
Judges Comment...
I love this form of poetry, and I like the way you have portrayed someone with a wizened cold heart that suddenly blooms by falling in love, and allowing the warmth of another to penetrate his rigid ways...
A strong theme covering hope and hopelessness, with wonderful imagery and freshness of inspiration...A most enjoyable read, thank you for your entry...
All the best ~Lilac~
-
The Major Art shines through the lines of "Opening Love’s Portal", a poem that is rich in all it takes to stand throughout the millennia.
In respect and admiration,
Andre Emmanuel Bendavi ben-YEHU
-
-
Thank you so much for your positive reinforcement. I appreciate it when you take the time to comment on my poems.
-
-
A wonderful narration here, with story and character development, and yet the poetry is lovely, imagery, rhyme and meter too. An engrossing, appealing poem, remarkable it seems to me to have so much in a form... excellent...PK
-
-
When I am given free reign it seems as if I think in rhyme. In fact, I often have to force myself to write freeverse. Thank you for your positive comment.
-
-
I really like your choice of picture. It emphasizes the meaning of your poem. The darkness that she's walking through could be symbolic of the depression in the poem and the sunny scene would be equivalent to Love. Amazing.
-
-
Thank you so much for your positive comment on my poem.
-
-
Beautiful poem written in a splendid form! This is a well written character study which captures the essence of one who has been hardened by deciet but still misses that human connection that makes a person feel wonderful. The second stanza is delicately written with soft and tender touch. Kindness is never wasted and may make a big difference in anothers life. Interesting mix, well done!
Write On!
Thanks for entering the contest.
Brother Dennis
-
-
Thank you Dennis for your wonderful comment. So often it only takes a little kindness to change the course of one's life. I am so glad I joined the Bandits. I have enjoyed the contests and the group dynamics very much.
-
-
How beautiful and meaningful. It's such a carefully detailed portrait.
-
-
Thank you for taking the time to stop by and leave a positive comment on my poem.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
