I dreamed I saw a girl there,
Outside my window, with swaying hair.
Her hair was like a field of maize,
And her Lips were like fire, all ablaze.
Through the drapes I saw her smile,
She offered it there and for a while.
She beckoned me join her, that enchanted night.
I forgot all sense and grew contrite.
I reached for the chair to find my throw,
And moved for the window just below.
She lead me along as I grew weak,
The skies turned bright, and not so bleak.
I had grown so fast and walked so tall,
Beyond the pillars, to the warmth of the hall.
As we arrived in our domain,
I worried I’d imagined this and t’were in vain.
But alas the next night there again,
I opened my eyes as I heard her shout
So by raised gesture I beckoned her in, from out.
And so, transcended my doubt.
Author notes
It is largely metaphorical, with the windows and drapes etc not necessarily representing their usual meaning.
A contest entry
- The First Time by Budart.
900 points, ended October 30, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I really like how you've chosen to go about the prompt. Very well written!
-
Well! This is a romantic, idealized write. Enjoyable.
-
Hmmmm! the rhyming of every line with the previous line reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe. Some of the vocabulary as well. Unfortunately I don't think Edgar was much of a poet and I think a lot of bad poetry is written because he is taught in high school lit and is the model people use. I actually left in the middle of a Lou Reed concert when he started reciting the Raven. I'll never waste money on that old junkie again. Thanks for you entry. Good luck.
-
-
Firstly, thank you for your feedback, always appreciated. I am to understand that you don't like this piece or that it is not suited to this contest? If I am honest, I would probably agree with the latter, I was trying to get my poem out there. I have never studied Poe, although yes, I am familiar with him.
-
Adding your comment:
