Don't Go

I always think, "Well, maybe...it COULD happen"
I miss you so much
the You I used to know, that is
my mind cannot conceive of who you are now, for I do not know
I try to tell myself it's better this way
that we are "fundamentally, two completely different people"
and that I have no excuse for this incessant game-playing in my head
but it's hard to lose You again and again and again
after this long.
Remembering you as a child, seeing you as a man.
I miss your kindness.
I feel as though I disappoint You now.
Your words turned to questioning, and I am stuck
blaming myself for all this mess.
It is my fault.
I just miss You.