My truth is false,
a glittering overcoat with torn lining,
always catching on good intentions
and jamais vu,
but persona persists
anealed to the base elements
of slipping into a round hole
without scoring.
Time to be fashionable again.
Author notes
jamais vu - the opposite of deja vu
Honest Critique Requested
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like the imagery of the second line, then the third and fourth lines associate that imagery very nicely into the abstract arena of human nature, the 5th line i have mixed feelings about, a lot of people might not grasp that(my friend next to me was confused), maybe a second stanza before it to reinforce it to the reader and give it a bit more body, especially if its as well considered as the first stanza, i really like this poem and wish it was a bit longer.
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Any Better
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this poem was written well
i liked the 2 line alot
but i to think some dont know what jamais vu is
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Col, perhaps add in your AN the literal meaning of jamais vu? This is a deep dive, perhaps it is swimming inside the laconic lagoon of questioning whether it's better to let the truth be best dressed to suit the self or to suit others. Time to be fashionable again as the ending works well at compounding a sense of selling out. Esp. liked " always catching on good intentions"
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ty as always for you insightful comments dear friend, perhaps you would re-evaluate this with the extra stanza for me.
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