I Let Down My Hair and Cried

It's been a while
Since I've admitted to myself
That though things seem the same,
They will always change.
Can't trust the many faces
Who've pledged their allegiance
To me and my flag.
I know that under the right circumstances,
My flag and I will be burned before we even fall.
Don't know where this life is taking me.
It feels like it's too late to save myself,
Like I've already been locked down
And my captor has swallowed the key.
How could something like this happen
To someone like me?
I was supposed to be the smart one,
But I'm caught up in a scheme
With my name scribbled across it
A hundred times over.
For so long I've been the one
Everyone could turn to
If they ever needed someone to listen.
I don't even have the strength to hold myself up.
I can't even look myself in the mirror
For fear that the real me will reach out
And strangle this walking corpse I've hidden myself in.
I never wanted to cry myself to sleep
Because of an inevitable consequence
Hooked onto the inconvenient truth
Of the life I've sworn to live.
I just wanted to find a small bit of happiness
In my dark and lonely world.
That happiness has fled from me so fast
That I didn't even have time to apologize
For everything I may have done.
I couldn't rewrite the wrong
The way I should've.
I didn't know I was this horrible a friend.
I tried so hard to hide my flaws from the ones I loved
So they wouldn't see the darkest part of me,
But the light always fades in the end
And my true colors start to show.
They're not as beautiful as everyone thinks they are.
In fact they're quite hideous and ominous.
No one ever realizes what they've gotten themselves into
Until they're too far gone.
It's time that I settle back down in my cave,
Hide from the rest of the world for a while,
Let them try and hold themselves together
The way I've had to for so long.
I don't know if I'll be able to crawl back into the light again.
I don't even want the sun to shine on my face anymore.
For now I want darkness,
Where no one can see the real me
Who needs to be free for a while.
For the first time in what seems to be a thousand years,
I'm going to let emotions show.
No one will ever see,
But at least I'll know that I'm still alive.
Tonight I'm going to let my hair down
And cry.